


i don't know love anymore

by yuto_da



Category: NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Break Up Talk, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Lee Taeyong & Nakamoto Yuta Are Best Friends, Lee Taeyong is Whipped, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Seo Youngho | Johnny, Minor Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Minor Kim Jungwoo/Qian Kun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Minor Lee Taeyong/Moon Taeil, Nakamoto Yuta is Whipped, Seo Youngho | Johnny is Whipped, Soft Lee Taeyong, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, someone give me some feedback idk if it's a good stoty or not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 00:12:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuto_da/pseuds/yuto_da
Summary: "I can't really tell you when it started but for as long as I've known, I've been in love with you, Sicheng. I love everything about you. The way your brow crinkles when you're thinking too hard. The odd way you pick at you muffins, tearing them into bits before scooping them up and eating them all. The way your entire face lifts up when you hear anything about dancing. The graceful way you carry yourself on stage and off stage. The way, despite having only two close friends, you love them and cherish them dearly. I can list a hundred thousand things I love about you, Sicheng."or the one where I write almost 30k words of Yuta being in love.





	i don't know love anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Okay a bit long of a note but hear me out. For starters, this story was written while I was in writer's block (i'm out) and had no real base. I admit it was inspired by a few yuwin's where Yuta had a gf and fell in love with Sicheng but I wanted to go the extra mile and this was born. As a few warnings, 'Sicheng'' and 'Winwin' keep changing back and forth depending on the situation so don't wonder why he's winwin here then sicheng there, it only matters on who's calling him and what's going on. Two, I'm not an nctzen so everything here is from 6 yuwin compilations, 10 fics and two ig compilations, I honest to god know nothing about nct so if everyone and everything is inaccurate remember it was done by a universe and not an nctzen. Three, my perception of the characters might be a bit strange and flickers between multiple personalities but mainly because I don't think a stuck-up arrogant guy is Yuta and that a whiny, cries-a lot (I've read multiple johnten) is the sort of person Ten is either. In case there's any confusion, around the time W***** got into a f**** with Y*** is he time S***** comes in so, don't wonder where the g* comes from. For most of the scenes, I used myself as the muse so if their reactions are weird I don't know how boys react to certain scenes so roll with it! oH! And their school system is the one I go by so 4yrs in high school, 4 years in university. Oh and the 'hyung' honorific disappears at some point because they become comfortable with each other and drop it. It makes an appearance but it's mainly not there. AND TAEYONG IS A SOFT BOI!

Winwin never really had an interest in people. It had been that way ever since he was old enough to go to school and meet new people. He had, at first like every other child, been excited at the prospect of meeting new people and had been very eager on his first day there. However, the excitement had begun to fade over time as he grew older and began to understand himself more.

He stopped being excited for simple, mundane things that would have had his past self running laps around his room in joy and cared less and less about such things. However, he did try to make friends once he entered high school with a group he more or less thought would suit him and his antisocial ways, but it didn’t end too well.

For starters, the group he’d began spending his time with were in no way anything like him. They liked to party and hang out with their friends and spend every second they could enjoying their lives to the fullest while Winwin preferred his dance lessons. He also learned that the vibe he’d been drawn to of them being just as socially awkward and distant like him was a complete hoax.

He had been on his way back to the class when he overheard them chatting about him. Winwin hadn’t cared and was about to open the door until he heard them say that their original look of being the outcasts was just that, a look. To them, they were just trying to be edgy and cool and stand out so that they could blend in, but to Winwin, it was who he was.

Naturally, after hearing that, Winwin pulled away from that group and went back to a comfortable and trustworthy solitary. He held it for nearly half a century before he went to university and accidentally made friends with two people who contradicted his personality in the strangest of ways.

 

“Hey,” Winwin breathed out once he got to his friend by the cafeteria.

“Hey,” His friend, Taeil, said, looking up from his phone and up at the younger male. “Took you awhile.”

“Sorry,” Winwin pocketed his hands in his large, almost oversized sweater to warm them up from the chilly winter air. “It took a while to get here from the dorm.”

Taeil slid his phone back into his pocket and shrugged. “It’s okay. I hadn’t been here for a long time anyway.”

Winwin didn’t say anything and waited for Taeil to begin walking towards the dorm of his other friend. He bowed his head and watched his sharply dressed feet take one step after the other. His trance was interrupted, however, when Taeil began wondering if their friend would actually be inside or he would be out with his seemingly endless list of friends.

“I don’t know, hyung.” Sicheng responded respectfully and looked back at his shoes. “He could be with Johnny for all we know. This could be the first time we’re all able to hang around each other. Not to mention, we all promised we’d spend time together, if the chance arose.”

“Hmm….” Taeil hummed and also slid his hands in his pocket. “I guess you’re right. If he was with Johnny, there’s no way we’d be able to get contact him.”

Sicheng raised his brows in agreement and the two continued walking to where their friend, Ten, lived.

“Hey!” Taeil called once inside and looked around for the lean Thailandese man. “Ten! Are you here?”

It was silent for a few seconds before a response came from the bathroom. “Yeah! I’m just brushing my teeth! I’ll be there in a few!”

Taeil sighed in relief. “I guess Johnny’s not here today.” He entered and waited till Sicheng had also entered before closing the door and flopping onto the bed, suddenly exhausted.

Sicheng also went to sit on the bed but after he saw a pair of boxers on the bed, he chose to sit on the chairs positioned near the end of the bed and wait for his second best friend to emerge from the bathroom.

Ten showed up after a few more minutes, drying his dripping wet hair with a towel while another loosely tied towel rested on his slender hips. “Hey.” He covered his face with the towel and used the free sides to effectively dry his hair. It came out mussed and messier than before but it was rather dry, so Sicheng didn’t bother with Ten’s lengthy self-care and waited for him to finish.

“Where’s Johnny? He’s not here today?” Taeil turned to Ten and looked at him through half-opened eyes, face half-molded into the pillow.

“Ah…” Ten waved his hand dismissively. “He went to hang with his friends, said we’d meet him later.”

“Ah, with Taeyong and Jaehyun again?” Taeil asked.

“Yeah.” Ten finished drying his hair and changed the topic from his boyfriend to his two friends in front of him. “So, what do you guys want to do today?”

In the end, after nearly twenty suggestions from each male, they couldn’t decide on what to do and ended up squishing against each other on the too small bed. Sicheng ended up stuck in the middle of Ten and Taeil because the latter male refused to let him sleep anywhere else. Sicheng was a bit touched by Taeil’s actions but he was now regretting not saying anything earlier.

Thanks to the movie Ten selected when they all decided they’d rather coop up in Ten’s room rather than go out, Sicheng ended up having Taeil and Ten sleeping on him. Sicheng knew he had the option of waking them up or just moving away but he also knew how tired Ten and Taeil had to have been to fall asleep before the movie even reached halfway. He didn’t have the heart to wake them up and chose to lay there like a piece of wet wood.

Sicheng wasn’t sure when he fell asleep but he woke to the sound of someone entering Ten’s room. He was about to --Sicheng wasn’t sure what he planned to do but he definitely planned to inflict damage to whomever was entering the room and sat up, waiting to see who it was. He grabbed the first thing his hand could touched and raised it, prepared to use it as a weapon.

The door creaked open to reveal Johnny, Ten’s boyfriend, accompanied with two other males. Sicheng assumed those were the friends he had gone to hang out with and briefly looked them over. They all raised their brows questioningly to the partly sleepy man holding a pillow tightly as a form of defense. Sicheng- once he realized what he was holding- slowly lowered it and himself back onto the bed.

“Were you planning to hit me with a pillow, Winwin?” Johnny asked, amused.

“Shut up.” Sicheng wanted to melt through the bed, the floor and all the way till he got to the core of the earth and would be swallowed up by the heat emanating from there, Ten and Taeil’s comfort be damned.

“Who’s this?” Sicheng heard Johnny’s friend asked and lifted his head slightly to see, mildly curious.

“He’s a friend of Ten.” Johnny let his friends in and closed the door before introducing his friends. “He’s called Sicheng, or Winwin. The one to his right is Taeil and you all know Ten.”

Sicheng hadn’t paid any attention to the two males once they’d walked in, too busy being embarrassed to remember what their faces looked like but once Johnny was done with the introductions and went over to wake Ten up, Sicheng took a good look at them.

One of them, the one who’d asked who he was, was rather tall, not quite like Johnny’s height --if there was anyone who could reach to or past Johnny’s height Sicheng would be justifiably terrified-- and had a solid build, judging from the lean muscles on his arms exposed by the low-cut vest he was wearing and the way his trousers would cling to his thick muscular legs. He also had big, brown --almost golden-- doe-like eyes and an almost there mullet.

Sicheng looked away from him and at the other man. This man, unlike the other one who gave off a warm, kind feeling, he gave off an ice cold feeling. Sicheng was sleeping on the bed, cocooned with a blanket and two full-grown men but he felt a chill ran through him and suppressed a shudder.

The man also had ruby red hair and piercings all through his ears and one on his bottom lip. As if sensing his gaze, the man licked his lip and Sicheng caught the glimmer of another piercing on his tongue. Sicheng couldn’t help but feel like the man gave off the look of a gangster found in those dark alleys at half past midnight. He didn’t dare to say any of that out loud and laid his head back onto the bed.

“I’m Yuta.” The voice from last time spoke up and Sicheng lifted his head again. It was the same guy who’d asked who he was. “This is Taeyong.” He motioned to the other guy who lifted a brow in greeting.

Sicheng took a few seconds to respond and nodded at them both, saying. “Like Johnny said, I’m Winwin or Sicheng.”

“Oooh!” The first one, Yuta cried out, excited. “Are you Chinese by chance?”

Sicheng nodded, already used to the thousands of questions that always followed when he mentioned his home country.

“That’s so cool!! I’m Japanese!!!” Yuta got even more excited and Sicheng began fearing the whole room would collapse from the amount of energy he emitted. “It’s really cool to meet someone from a foreign country here.”

Sicheng nodded, a bit taken aback with how positive Yuta’s response was.

“Yuta,” Taeyong said warningly and Yuta immediately backed off, going back to where he’d been originally standing. Sicheng hadn’t even noticed him approaching the bed as he talked until Taeyong called him back.

“Sorry,” Taeyong said to Sicheng, “He always gets like this.”

“It’s fine.” Sicheng mumbled back but Johnny interrupted him before he could say anything else.

“Could you guys wait a bit? Ten needs to talk to me for a bit…” Johnny said to his friends, half expecting them to complain but sighing in relief when they all agreed and he went to the deeper parts of Ten’s dorm to talk, leaving Sicheng with two strangers.

The awkward silence was expected but Sicheng hadn’t expected it to be that awkward. After Taeyong had swiftly admonished Yuta, the latter male had kept to himself but fidgeting every four seconds, seemingly anxious to continue his earlier conversation.

“Isn’t it better to let him talk?” Sicheng asked Taeyong when the silence got too much for him. “He looks like he’s about to explode.”

Taeyong glanced at Yuta and found Sicheng was right. Yuta kept fidgeting back and forth and would occasionally glance at Sicheng. Yuta had his head bowed and would peek up through his lashes at Sicheng, while simultaneously playing with fingers.

“You can ask, Yuta. Just don’t be too overbearing.” The words had yet to fully roll off Taeyong’s tongue before Yuta pounced on the bed and crawled over to where Sicheng was, his big, brown eyes shining with excitement and curiosity. He sat where Ten had previously been sleeping and began talking.

Sicheng soon found out a lot about the Japanese man. He enjoyed dancing just like he did, but Sicheng didn’t see it necessary to share that piece of information. He also loved working out, which explained his toned body and was a fan of anime, a form of Japanese entertainment Sicheng had never heard of before, or if he did he erased it after deeming it useless or unproductive.

Sicheng also learned how Yuta was an avid soccer fan and was a player for nearly twelve years. Sicheng avoided giving too much information about himself and only gave enough to satisfy the man rather than actually have him know genuine facts about him. Sicheng reassured himself that it was simply because Yuta was still a stranger in all terms and giving him personal information the way he was isn’t something anyone would just do.

Johnny appeared from the room before Yuta could tell Sicheng about his favorite kind of player and was a bit surprised to see Yuta on the bed conversing with Sicheng. He recovered quickly and asked if they were ready to go. Yuta seemed hesitant to leave but grudgingly got off the bed and wore his shoes before promising Sicheng to continue their conversation at a later time.

Sicheng sighed once the three men had left and extracted himself from Taeil’s sleeping body. He was surprised the man hadn’t woken up even through Yuta bouncing on the bed. Sicheng left the bed and went to the bathroom before he remembered Ten had been talking with Johnny for a really long time.

“Ten.” Sicheng knocked gently on the door. “Are you okay?”

There was a brief silence where Sicheng thought Ten was either dead or asleep and decided to go inside. He found the older man asleep by himself on his and Johnny’s actual bed and felt relief and a tinge of nostalgia.

Ten had always had a crush on Johnny ever since they first met during Sicheng’s first year in university. Sicheng remembered how Ten would babble on and on about everything Johnny did, even when it was the basic, day-to-day things like eating, breathing or even walking.

Sicheng had found it pretty irritating considering Ten would always come complaining to him instead of Taeil --much to his displeasure-- but soon removed that mindset when Johnny got a girlfriend and Ten was completely and utterly crushed. Sicheng had been there for Ten and had tried to cheer him up in various ways, most of which worked, but there was always that lingering sadness and regret. Ten tried to act normal around them but Sicheng wasn’t blind to how unenthusiastic and lifeless his smile looked like.

Eventually, after a few months, Sicheng got wind of news that Johnny and his girlfriend had broken up on the grounds of miscommunication and lack of mutual interest. Sicheng had never ran faster. He took three stairs in one jump, aided by his long legs and flexible body, and ran to relay the news he’d heard to Ten.

Sicheng --after telling him-- urged the older male towards Johnny. Ten had been stubborn and had refused to go which resorted to Sicheng having to literally shove him in Johnny’s direction while whispering that if he didn’t do it now, he could never get the chance again and left Ten with words he still remembered vividly.

“It may look like you’re trying to jump on his moment of weakness and use it to his advantage, but think of how bad you would feel if Johnny moved on without ever knowing your true feelings. I’m not saying that he needs to say yes, but for your sake, you need to tell him or you’ll end up regretting it. Stop worrying about everyone else, and for once Ten, just think of yourself.”

Sicheng didn’t know what happened after that since Ten refused to tell him anything else but he’d been grinning when he denied Sicheng’s request and that was enough for him.

Sicheng slowly closed the door and walked away from the room. He looked at Taeil, who was still asleep, and moved silently to take his bag and a piece of paper and pen. He left a note telling them that he was going back to his room to finish his schoolwork and they would meet later. Sicheng left the note on the pillow beside Taeil and covered up him up before exiting Ten’s room.

It was a couple of weeks after that that Yuta approached Sicheng once more. The latter male had been busy in class, head lowered and eyes trained on the words in front of him. He hadn’t cared when he heard someone slid in on the chair next to his, already used to several students strutting into classes a half hour after they arrive but he definitely minded when they placed a hand on his lap.

Sicheng’s head shot up so quickly, he vaguely wondered how he didn’t snap his neck off in the process.

He held his pen tightly, about to stab whomever the fuck dared to touch him without his permission until he saw big, brown eyes looking at him mischievously.

“Shh,” Yuta hushed him, ignoring the fact that Sicheng had barely said a word. “You’re going to make people notice.” He winked at him and Sicheng was overwhelmed with the urge to stab the pen through his lap.

“What are you doing here?” Sicheng hissed at Yuta and swatted the older man’s hand off his lap.

“I was going back to the dorm then I saw you slip inside here, so I followed you.” Yuta shrugged as if it was a perfectly normal thing to do.

“Well, that’s not creepy at all.” Sicheng said, and to emphasize his point, he moved further away from Yuta.

“It’s not!” Yuta let his hands fall back down and gave Sicheng a pout. “It’s not creepy!”

“Mmmh. Sure.” Sicheng noticed the change in conversation and brought it back to his original point. “That still doesn’t answer why you’re here.”

“Because, I told you we’d talk again right,” All previous signs of ‘sadness’ were lost in the cheeky grin that appeared again. “So, I’m here. To talk. With you.”

“It’s in the middle of class!” Sicheng hissed at Yuta.

“So? I can wait.” Yuta gave him an odd look and tilted his head to the side, blinking slightly when the fringes of his black bangs swept past his eyes. “I want to talk to you and get to know you better, Winwin. So, I’ll wait.”

It seemed that was the end of the conversation on two fronts, one was because the lecturer had noticed their chatter and had warned them to stop and that Yuta promptly laid his head on the desk in front of him and went to sleep, leaving Sicheng feeling like a hurricane had just blown into his life, and unlike real hurricanes that eventually left, it felt like Yuta was not going anywhere for a long time.

It took him sometime to get used to but, eventually, Sicheng grew used to Yuta’s presence around him. Yuta had also grown rather attached to Sicheng and spent most -if not all- of his time in the Chinese man’s presence. They went eating together, studied together and even spent time with Taeil and Ten together. The one thing they didn’t do together was dance.

That was the one thing Sicheng refused to share with Yuta.

Sicheng didn’t know why he felt like that, after all, they shared almost everything now. Friends, food, time, even their classes. They were literally together 25/7 but Sicheng felt his performance, his dancing, was something much deeper than having a simple bite of your friends food or having mutual friends, and kept his hobby a secret from Yuta.

That secret, however, went into the wind when Johnny accidentally mentioned his dancing when Yuta was right there.

“So, Winwin,” Johnny began, completely oblivious to the one thing Sicheng did not want Yuta to know about. “How’s dancing being going for you lately?”

Sicheng, once he processed the older man’s questions, froze and wanted to scream into the abyss.

“Huh? Dancing?” Yuta looked at Sicheng then at Johnny, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and head slightly tilted. “Winwin dances? Since when?”

Sicheng remembered telling Ten and Taeil not to mention it to Yuta but he didn’t remember telling Ten to tell Johnny. He wanted to blame Ten’s short memory but knew he was also at fault because he didn’t explicitly state that Johnny was to be kept in the loop and rather emphasized on how many people were to be kept out of the loop.

Therefore, it was his own fault and Sicheng could do nothing but watch as Johnny dived headfirst into the past and current different dancing genres Sicheng had tried. Sicheng watched as Yuta’s face lit up the more the list lengthened and tried remembering why he had been so adamant on not letting him know.

He still couldn’t find a single reason as to why he would deny one of his closest friends the opportunity of seeing him do what he loved the most. Sicheng felt something bitter and putrid crawling up his throat and realized it was the taste his own hypocrisy, selfishness, and ungratefulness.

Yuta had been nothing but a kind and caring person from the first time they met yet Sicheng could barely even hear the words ‘dance’ and ‘Yuta’ together before he wanted to bolt. He thought it was because he wanted to hold on to something that didn’t involve Yuta. Everything in his life now currently had the man in it, but there was this one place, this one thing that Yuta had nothing to do with and Sicheng wanted that.

But as he watched Johnny prattle on about the few dance shows he’d personally gone to see, he could see that small thing getting swallowed up by Yuta.

“He’s really, really good.” Johnny finished praising Sicheng and looked at the Chinese male to notice he was looking down at his food with a despondent look on his handsome features.

“Hey, Winwin? Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

Johnny’s words made Yuta look at Sicheng as well and his dreamy expression fell in an instant. He moved closer and was about to touch Sicheng when the former male abruptly stood up and excused himself before briskly walking out of the cafeteria, leaving Yuta dumbfounded and Johnny confused.

Sicheng didn’t know where he was going but at the moment, he wanted somewhere where Yuta was not there.

There was a dark space just behind the school that was casually yet safely concealed behind a thick shrubs that could’ve passed as trees from their massive height and the wall that curved in a ‘C’ shape. Sicheng slotted himself between the shape and the bushes. He stretched out his legs before him and ran a hand through his light brown hair.

Sicheng pressed his hands into his face for what felt like ten hours before easing up and letting them fall away from his face. He sighed heavily and tried to stop acting and feeling like a child that had gotten robbed of his favorite toy or his favorite snack. Dancing was a hobby some people had. It just so happened he enjoyed it. And so did Yuta. It didn’t change anything between them, yet Sicheng felt like his entire world was now in the palm of Yuta’s hand and he did not like it one bit.

Sicheng soon heard footsteps running past him in the supposed direction he went in and he dared to lean over and peak through the shrubs at the person. Predictably enough, it was Yuta and from how frantic he looked, it was obvious he was looking for Sicheng.

Sicheng felt bad seeing his friend like that and thought about coming out and talking to him but didn’t and stayed where he was. It was when Yuta began running his hands through his hair frantically and pacing back and forth in the chilly weather of winter with no sweater that Sicheng’s resolve began to waver.

Yuta was standing out in temperatures no man or woman should be in bare-armed. He hadn’t bothered to take his sweater and had bolted out of the cafeteria in search of Sicheng. Sicheng held strong until he noticed the goosebumps on Yuta’s biceps and how violently he kept shivering.

“Yuta.” Sicheng left his voice as emotionless as he could before watching the man follow his voice with his eyes. Sicheng returned his head back into the safety of the shrubs and waited. Yuta ran over to him and Sicheng watched as his head slipped into the shrubs. He soon followed and found Sicheng sitting there, face expressionless.

“Where have you been, Winwin?” Yuta asked, voice strained as if he’d been running from the cafeteria to here, but knowing how strange Yuta could be, Sicheng couldn’t see it being too far from the truth.

“You suddenly ran out of there. Are you okay?”

Sicheng felt that acid feeling in his throat increase in intensity.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Sicheng would have smiled if it was in his personality but he just gave Yuta a nod and remained silent.

“You don’t look like you’re okay.” Yuta persisted and moved closer. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Sicheng said but it was colder than before. He looked at Yuta’s shoulder as an alternative to meeting his eyes and said, “I told you, I’m fine.”

Yuta didn’t believe it. Sicheng was blatantly lying to him and it was not only irritating but hurtful.

“I know you’re lying, Sicheng.” Sicheng was surprised and his eyes shot up to Yuta’s eyes. He realized a second too late what he’d done and was left having Yuta’s intense gaze bore into him.

“Tell me why.”

Sicheng didn’t say anything and held Yuta’s gaze as he said, “No.”

Sicheng saw the hurt in Yuta’s eyes and was about to correct his statement when Yuta beat him to it, moving forward until there was barely 2 inches between them. Yuta maintained his gaze on Sicheng and didn’t say anything. He sat there and kept looking into Sicheng’s eyes, searching for something only he knew.

“Why?” Yuta’s voice when he spoke again was so soft, Sicheng was sure he’d imagined it. “Was it something I did?”

Sicheng tore his gaze from Yuta, about to deny, but that was enough of an answer for Yuta.

“You didn’t do anything, Yuta.” Sicheng said and looked at everything but Yuta. “It’s got nothing to do with you, at all.”

Sicheng was lying through his teeth but Yuta didn’t know that and believed it all. “Then, why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Argh…” Sicheng growled out and ran a hand through his hair. He was starting to get annoyed with how the conversation kept going back and forth and accidentally snapped at Yuta. “Could you stop with the questions? It’s annoying. I already told you, whatever is going on with me has absolutely nothing to do with you, so stop asking.”

Sicheng looked up at Yuta and the realization of what he’d said came crashing down.

“Ah...Okay.” Yuta’s response was even weaker than it had been the first time and he moved away from Sicheng immediately. He bent his head and used his long bangs to cover his face but Sicheng had already seen his expression and wanted to throw himself into the nearest pack of lions.

“Wait, Yuta, I didn’t mean that.” Sicheng reached out and tried to stop Yuta but the man dodged out of his grasp. “It was an accident. I didn’t mean that at all.”

Yuta lifted his head and Sicheng wondered if that was how he’d looked like when Yuta came to find him. The light in his eyes had withered down and could barely be seen and in its place remained the emptiest look Sicheng had ever seen.

“I-I have to go.” Yuta’s voice also sounded like how he looked and Sicheng knew he’d truly and honestly fucked up. “Bye, Winwin.”

Sicheng could do nothing but watch as Yuta exited the same way he came in. His entire being was telling him to stop Yuta but his limbs were malfunctioning and refused to do as he said, leaving him standing there, watching as the third person he could possibly call his best friend walked away.

Sicheng eventually went back to his room and even though he didn’t expect anything, he was a bit disheartened to find his room empty. He was accustomed to entering his room and finding Yuta sleeping on his bed, or reading a comic on his bed while waiting for him to return but seeing his room completely empty sent the words home.

He’d truly and honestly fucked up.

Yuta avoided Sicheng for the next few weeks. He still hung out with Johnny occasionally and would pass by to greet Ten and even Taeil but wholly avoided any contact with Sicheng, and Sicheng couldn’t even blame him.

He would’ve avoided contact with anyone who treated him the way he had treated Yuta but as time went on, Sicheng became more and more aware of how much Yuta had impacted his life.

Everything was as it had been prior to Yuta’s existence in his life, but Sicheng saw it as boring and....ordinary. He could barely believe his life had been that uninteresting before Yuta. His classes were unrealistically long and dull. His room felt like a stranger had been living there instead of him, and even his friends felt like they were complete strangers now.

Ten and Taeil still tried hanging out with him but it always felt strained like they were all trying to ignore the topic of Yuta but the success rate of that was equivalent to trying to fit an elephant into a two-wheeler.

Sicheng also wasn’t oblivious to the worried and anxious looks they kept sending each other when they thought he wasn’t looking. He hated that they’d rather keep assuming rather than actually ask him what was on their minds but even he didn’t bother to call them out when he saw it, because he didn’t know how to explain the situation without sounding like a selfish seven year-old brat.

So he didn’t. He didn’t try to explain himself to Ten and Taeil and he didn’t apologize to Yuta. Sicheng went on with his life and try to ignore the giant black hole that was Nakamoto Yuta. Sicheng even tried viewing it that the hurricane he’d previously wondered if he’d ever be able to get rid of it was gone but it made him feel like a complete dick so he stopped and left the memory to remain as it being wholly his fault.

It was a few week later that the news reached Sicheng’s ears.

He’d been on his way to Taeil’s room for a change and he’d stopped when he’d found the door slightly opened. Fearing the worst, Sicheng had hurried over only to stop when he heard his name.

“Do we tell him?” A voice that sounded exactly like Ten’s asked and Sicheng carefully peaked into the room and saw Ten and Taeil sitting on the bed discussing something that obviously involved him.

“No...I mean, I don’t know.” Taeil rubbed his fingers together and bit his bottom lip nervously. “They stopped talking so I don’t see why we have to tell him but…”

“He could overhear from someone else…” Ten said and Sicheng was slowly getting confused as the conversation went on.

“Yeah... But it’s not like they were a thing, Ten. I don’t think Sicheng needs to know Yuta has a girlfriend.”

“We all know how he looked at Sicheng. He may have never acted on them but we all know how he felt even if he didn’t know it himself.”

Taeil didn’t respond and neither did Sicheng. He just turned away and took his phone from his pocket and for the first time in months, he dialed Yuta’s phone number.

Sicheng was surprised Yuta had not only answered his call but had also agreed to meeting up. They agreed to meet in Sicheng’s bedroom and Sicheng was currently sitting on his bed, facing the door, waiting for a knock to sound to announce Yuta’s arrival.

When it came, Sicheng took a second to calm down before opening the door and letting Yuta in.

Sicheng noticed a number of things had changed when he opened to door and saw Yuta for the first time in months. For one, Yuta’s previously light blonde hair had been dyed back into black and his bangs had been trimmed to cover his brows while the back had grown out into a full-on mullet.

Sicheng also noticed as Yuta passed by him, careful not to touch Sicheng in anyway, that Yuta had grown not only taller but muscular. Sicheng could see the defined shape of Yuta’s arms through his thin shirt and the way his jeans were even tighter than before, carefully holding onto his highly thick and toned thighs.

Yuta had become even more handsome than before and Sicheng felt slightly self-conscious of everything in his room and how skinny and unnecessarily long he must have looked. He closed the door and crossed his arms over his chest then let them fall to his sides before playing with the trim around his shirt.

He gestured for Yuta to sit down while he sat near the door, facing Yuta.

“What did you call me here for, Winwin?” Yuta ran a hand through his hair and looked carefully at Sicheng.

“I wanted to apologize.” Sicheng said and fought back the urge to look away. He wanted Yuta to know the apology was real and he truly meant it. Looking away would do the exact opposite.

Yuta scoffed lightly. “After four months, you want to apologize now?”

Yuta was right, Sicheng knew that, but hearing those uncharacteristic cold words from him had the words freezing in his throat.

“Why didn’t you come to apologize last month? Or the month before that? Or even the day after you pushed me away for caring and worrying about you?” Yuta licked his lips and cocked an eyebrow at Sicheng, clearly wanting a response.

“I....don’t know.” Sicheng finally said and it was obvious that wasn’t the answer Yuta wanted. “I don’t know why I pushed you away and said all those things. I don’t know why it took me four months to apologize to you. I really don’t, Yuta.”

“What I do know, is that I’m deeply and truly sorry for what I said back then. I never intended to say any of those things and I definitely did not want to hurt you.”

“Then why did you?” Yuta asked and crossed his legs. “Why did you run from the cafeteria that day? Why did you leave so quickly when Johnny told me about you dancing? Why did you tell me no when I tried helping you?”

“I won’t believe you’ve spent four months without knowing why you acted like a complete dick to me. I need something better than that, Winwin.”

Sicheng wondered if there was a time-machine lying around for him to collect. He wondered if it was possible to go back in time and take back the words before they left his mouth just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with looking at that angry, hurt and anxious look on Yuta’s face right now.

Sicheng was silent for a while after that. He tried assembling the proper words to convey how he had felt at that time and tried delivering them to Yuta in a way he hoped he would understand because he couldn’t.

“I was… I guess, jealous? No-that’s not it.” Sicheng licked his lips and tried again. “I think I was worried about you.”

“Why?” Yuta asked.

“I don’t know, but I think I was scared of how quickly you were getting immersed into my life.”

“We spent everyday together. We ate together. We spent every second together and we even slept in the same bed once.”

“I…” Sicheng took a second to breathe and try to calm down before he finished what he was saying. “I had never had friends prior to Ten and Taeil. Not to say there weren’t people who tried, but I just didn’t let them actually be friends with me. They were always just acquaintances.”

“But when I got into university, I met Ten and Taeil and we became friends. They were the first friends I’d ever made. They knew everything about me and I to them. But I was comfortable with that. I was comfortable with letting them know about my dancing, to what I read and to the kind of movies I liked.”

“But when you came along, it was so sudden, I didn’t know what to do.”

“You were so friendly and nice to someone you just met and that threw me off. I didn’t know how to respond to how you acted. I didn’t know how to do anything with you actually. I just stood by and watched as you got to know more and more about me, but I didn’t mind it half as much as I thought I would.”

“I liked it, if I’m being honest. Spending time with you, talking with you, laughing with you, eating with you. I really liked it. It was fun and easy and enjoyable.”

“Then, why didn’t you want me to know about you dancing?” Yuta’s expression remained as his voice, cold as ice and just as sharp.

Sicheng scratched the side of his head and ran a hand through before dropping it back in his lap. “I think I was embarrassed. Not of my dancing, but because I danced.”

“Huh? I don’t get it.” Yuta’s eyebrows furrowed the way they always did when he didn’t understand something and he swept the hair from his forehead only for it to fall back in place.

“To be honest, neither do I.” Sicheng gritted his jaw and briefly looked at his blanket just behind Yuta’s legs. “But I think I wasn’t comfortable with you knowing about the one thing I was good at and took pride in.”

“You were always good at everything. You excelled in sports. You’re good at taking care of people. You’re a great dancer. You were always so good that sharing this one thing I had that made me happy and feel special felt embarrassing.”

“It was sort of humiliating I guess.” Sicheng hadn’t kept eye contact with Yuta and had looked away a while ago but he could feel those dark brown, nearly black irises boring holes into his skeleton. “I felt ashamed for having one thing I was proud of while you could easily name ten and still have plenty left to spare.”

“That’s why you pushed me away? Because I was good at everything and you weren’t?” Yuta’s voice wasn’t cruel but his words were phrased in a way that made them sound crueler than he intended them to.

“When you say it like that, it sounds like I was just whining.” Sicheng mumbled but Yuta heard him.

“It really does sound like you’re whining. And antisocial.” Yuta uncrossed his legs and stood up. Sicheng heard him stand and watched as his boots came into focus as Yuta came closer and stopped with almost the exact same distance between them like the last time they’d been in this position.

“How could you only have had two friends throughout your entire life?” Yuta kneeled down and rested on his haunches. He reached out and took Sicheng’s hand from his lap and held it gingerly.

“How could you say that you’re only good at one thing while I can name nearly a thousand things you’re good at?”

Yuta squeezed Sicheng’s hand and made him look up and at him. “You’re so much more than you think you are, Winwin.”

“You’re beautiful.” Sicheng’s eyes widened but Yuta didn’t stop. “You’re smart, so so freaking smart. You’re also funny. You’re unrealistically gorgeous. You’re incredibly weird when you sleep with your eyes open but it’s also extremely cute.”

“You’re so much more than you think, Winwin. So please don’t be ashamed of yourself.”

“Most of the things you think I’m good at I had to practice and sacrifice a lot to know, but you make whatever you do look graceful and elegant. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

Yuta and Sicheng’s eyes widened simultaneously and they looked at each other, the shock of what Yuta had just said visible in their eyes.

Yuta was the first to recover and he nodded his head, agreeing with what he’d said. “Yeah, I love you, Winwin.”

Sicheng was sure he meant it as a friend but he couldn’t ignore how his heart thumped at the sight of Yuta holding his hand and confessing his love to him. He tried not to let it show and squeezed Yuta’s hand back.

“I like you too, Yuta.” He said and smiled at Yuta. He was surprised when he saw how quickly Yuta’s mood lifted when he said that and was further surprised when the larger man tackled him to the ground and hugged him fiercely.

Sicheng hugged him back and felt the older man’s hands tighten around him. Sicheng realized just how much he’d actually missed Yuta and hugged him back just as fiercely. He felt the weight on his chest and back finally lift off and he could finally breathe.

“Does this mean you forgive me?”

Yuta laughed but it sounded choked, whether due to the same tears that were in his eyes or because his voice was muffled from burying his nose in Sicheng’s neck, Sicheng couldn’t tell. “Of course I do.”

Ten and Taeil’s expressions when they saw Sicheng walking with Yuta could only be described as comical.

Ten’s jaw snapped open so quickly, Sicheng wondered how the muscles in his jaw didn’t pop off. Ten’s eyes bulged out unattractively and he stopped dead in his tracks, while Taeil just stared at them in disbelief.

“Hey.” Yuta greeted them when they reached to where they were seated at. His hand was casually slung over Sicheng’s shoulder. “It’s been a while.”

Ten collected his jaw from the floor and blinked rapidly before nodding in agreement, the shock visible in his colored contacts. “Yeah...It’s really been a while.” Ten put heavy emphasis on the ‘while’ and looked pointedly at the hand over Sicheng’s shoulder.

“Yeah, a lot of things happened but we managed to talk it out.” Sicheng answered Ten’s question before he could voice it and held Yuta by the shoulder as well. The act was more uncomfortable than he thought but he smiled and tapped Yuta’s shoulder affectionately. “We’re back to being friends!”

Sicheng said that cheerfully, oblivious to the unexplainable look that crossed over Yuta’s face. Taeil missed it too, but Ten caught it and he gave Yuta a knowing look that all three males missed.

“That’s really great, Winwin, Yuta.” Taeil smiled at them both and gestured for them to sit down. “I’m happy you’re talking again. Really.”

“Yeah, me too.” Sicheng smiled and it wasn’t one of his usual short smiles but one that only appeared after he’d finished dancing and the thrill was waving off him. Taeil was sure the young man didn’t even realize what kind of expression he had.

“So, what are we doing today to celebrate your reunion?” Ten asked, cheekily smirking at the two who had yet to take their hands off each other.

“It’s not a reunion, Ten.” Yuta rolled his eyes good-naturedly. “We weren’t split up for nine years and then met on the street.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ten waved Yuta’s comment off and leaned on the table. “But really, what are we going to do? I feel like death after all those exams and seriously need a break.”

Taeil nodded his agreement so Sicheng and Yuta had no other option but to grudgingly agree, the weight of their exams the past few weeks had also taken a toll on them. They all deserved a long, long break.

“How about a party?” Sicheng had never seen anyone’s smirk turn evil but he watched with growing horror as Ten’s smirk turned evil.

“That’s not a bad idea actually.” Taeil nodded in agreement and rested a hand under his chin, carefully considering the thought of holding a party.

“Partying after exams? How cliche could we possibly get?” Sicheng also rolled his eyes but none of them knew if he meant it or not.

“Come on,” Yuta squeezed his shoulder and for someone who hated it when his friends carelessly touched him Sicheng looked very comfortable. “It won’t be that bad.”

“Besides, it’s just going to be a small get-together with everyone, right?” Yuta looked at Ten for confirmation and Ten nodded rapidly, suddenly desperate to convince Sicheng.

“Yeah, just us and a couple of Yuta’s and Johnny’s friends.” Ten shrugged like it was no big deal, which it really was. “We’ll just drink and chat and hang out.”

He looked pointedly at the pair and said, “I know some of us here could use the break.”

Sicheng agonized over the idea of attending a party hosted by Ten, the same Ten who’d once thrown a ‘small party’ that ended up having their entire house and most of the dorms rooms occupied by drunk, horny college students wired from their nearly three week long exams.

They’d nearly gotten kicked out of school for that stunt and were literally prohibited from having overly loud music at their dorm and not more than thirty people inside. Sicheng didn’t really care for the ban since it helped when he wanted to read but Ten had taken it like he’d seen one of those tragic tv dramas he’d claim to not like but would binge watch them all get cancelled just before the climax.

Sicheng thought the ban was somewhat on his side and nodded curtly, wincing when Yuta drew him into a tight hug. Sicheng could feel the older man’s teeth on his neck, nipping slightly on the warm taut skin, and Sicheng shivered lightly.

“Yes!” Yuta grinned widely when he pulled away and began discussing the details with Ten, oblivious to the shivers still racking through Sicheng’s body at the memory. Sicheng fought with the urge to rub at the skin and grinded his teeth together. He pressed his nails into the firm flesh of his thigh and used the sharp pain as a distraction.

Yuta removed his arm from Sicheng’s shoulder and intertwined their fingers together.

Sicheng couldn’t explain why his heart did a weird jump when Yuta squeezed it and looked back to smile at him and passed it as a potential heartburn despite him not having not ingested food in nearly ten hours.

“We’ll talk about the party when Johnny gets here. For now,” Ten stood up and removed a card from his wallet. “Lunch’s on me.”

Yuta literally almost never left Sicheng’s side after that. He went his friends occasionally and would leave for his classes and to eat but other than that, their relationship had gone back to him being extremely clingy and Sicheng couldn’t be bothered enough to care. However, he refused to admit he sort of liked the attention.

There was something about having Yuta’s attention solely focused on him and nobody else that made him feel special and warm inside. Sicheng had used all the excuses he could to deceive himself when he felt like that but he was coming short. Nowadays when he felt like that, he’d just gather those thoughts and would shove them into a theoretically musty box inside him and act like they didn’t exist.

He knew it was unhealthy and he needed to properly address what he was feeling but Sicheng couldn’t physically bring himself to risk what he’d just managed to restore by the skins of his teeth. Sicheng was no coward, but he had the decency and patience to stop and just appreciate what he had, to appreciate what he’d just managed to save.

“Hey!” Yuta greeted when he walked into Sicheng’s room, all smiles. He closed the door and threw his bag onto Sicheng’s bed before grabbing a stray chair kept in the corner for decoration and going to sit by Sicheng.

“What are you doing?” Yuta leaned forward but couldn’t make out what Sicheng was doing.

“Nothing.” Sicheng pushed all his papers aside and faced Yuta, a question visible on his handsome features. “Yuta, I have something to ask you.”

“Sure, ask away, Winwin!” Yuta sat back and gave Sicheng his undivided attention.

“Yuta, do you have a girlfriend?”

The question obviously startled Yuta enough to stun him silent and have his eyes bug out of his head. Sicheng searched his eyes for something he didn’t know. Yuta took a long moment but eventually recovered and blinked rapidly before gathering his thoughts into coherent words.

“Where did that come from, Winwin?” Yuta’s tone was incredulous and for a second, Sicheng questioned what he was doing. He remembered preaching, less than an hour ago about protecting his freshly restored relationship with Yuta, yet there he was, interrogating the man about something he didn’t know he was afraid of knowing.

“It’s just a question, Yuta.” Sicheng adopted the voice he used when he was addressing his seniors or juniors. It was also the voice that had dubbed him as the ‘Ice Prince’ in their school. It was cheesy and unoriginal but it had managed to stick with him throughout the time he’d been there.

Yuta looked at him for a long moment, and Sicheng halfly expected him to not answer, or to change the subject but Yuta did the opposite and nodded, confirming Sicheng’s fear. “Yeah, I do. I have a girlfriend.”

Sicheng was the one who asked and he was the one who had wanted to know but hearing Yuta confirm it left him with a bittersweet feeling in his gut. He was happy for Yuta, he’d have to be incredibly selfish not to be, but at the same time, he had wanted to hear a refusal. Sicheng wasn’t fully aware of it then, but he’d been anxiously waiting for Yuta to refuse and say he was making no sense. He’d wanted Yuta to deny and admit that he was single.

But Sicheng was dumb and had forgotten that not everything in real life originated from movies or books. In books, Yuta would’ve denied and would’ve professed his love towards Sicheng, but in reality, Yuta was an attractive, kind, young adult male. Sicheng should’ve been more surprised if he was still single..

“Oh...okay.” Sicheng’s response was half-hearted and he turned back to his books, leaving an extremely awkward air around them.

Sicheng was fascinated with the papers in front of him and wholly ignored the uncomfortable way Yuta kept staring at him. Sicheng was sure the older man believed he’d be able to decipher the reason Sicheng had asked him such a question if he kept staring.

“How did you know that I had a girlfriend?” Yuta did not remove his gaze from Sicheng to the latter male immense displeasure.

Sicheng considered lying and telling him he had seen them together but he risked getting caught in that lie if Yuta and his girlfriend had never walked outside together. He also considered blaming Ten and letting him take the fall but he also risked the small Thailandese man’s wrath. Sicheng knew he couldn’t say he’d been going to Ten’s room and had overheard them discuss it with Taeil and he’d gotten jealous and had decided to talk to him.

It would just sound like Sicheng had apologized out of jealousy and an insatiable need to keep Yuta by his side rather than being genuinely sorry. Sicheng knew if he said how he’d found out, Yuta might misinterpret his word and may honestly never talk to him again.

“I just overheard Ten mention it.” Sicheng shrugged and mentally apologized to Ten. He ignored the strangely vivid images of a furios Ten chasing him around and focus on Yuta.

Yuta was about to ask how could Ten have known but Sicheng swooped in and changed the subject.

“Ah!” He exclaimed and stood up for extra effect. “Shouldn’t we get going? The party’s about to start.”

Yuta finally looked away and Sicheng used the opportunity to turn around and busy himself with the drawer, playing as if he was looking for a change of clothes while he was actually trying to find a way to dissuade Yuta from asking him anymore questions.

“Found it!” Sicheng said and grabbed a pair of fading blue jeans and a plain white shirt with one simplistic yet chic black stripe that went from his collar down to his waist.

“I’m going to take a quick shower. You can go back first. I’ll meet you at the party.” Sicheng didn’t give Yuta a chance to respond before side-stepping him and entering his bathroom, leaving Yuta with no other choice but to leave and go change as well.

They met up at their usual spot and went to the location written down on his phone from Ten. The older male had decided that they couldn’t risk tarnishing their reputation even further with the staff and moved it to a more accessible, less populated area.

Yuta and Sicheng took a oddly long and silent walk till their destination. Sicheng looked up at the building and squinted to filter out the light and read the words clearly.

“Seriously?” Sicheng asked, mildy unimpressed. “We’re going to karaoke?”

Yuta, unlike Sicheng lit up like a thousand fireworks on new years and looked at the building with glee.

“You want to go inside?” Sicheng asked, watching as Yuta literally bounced on his feet from excitement.

Yuta nodded vigorously and Sicheng sent a text to Ten asking him which room their party was assigned together. Ten replied fairly quickly and told him the room. The two went into the building and after confirming their identities, Sicheng and Yuta went towards their room.

Sicheng wasn’t surprised that they were the first ones there and took a seat at the corner near the window. Yuta closed the door and also sat near him but he was overly engrossed by searching for a specific song to sing while waiting for the others.

Just as he was about to select a song, the door was knocked on twice and a head peeked out when the door opened. It was Taeil.

“Hey!!” Yuta enthusiastically said and temporarily forgot about the song. “Taeil-hyung.”

Yuta enveloped Taeil in a short hug while giggling and let the shorter man go to close the door behind him and excitedly show him the playlist he was going through.

Sicheng watched them with an eyebrow raised. He couldn’t help but think Yuta resembled a dog when he was happy or even when he was sad. There had once been an incident where Yuta was involved in a rather lengthy wait for a special combo provided by the staffs at their university cafeteria. Yuta had waited for a while but when his turn reached, the staff announced that they’d just ran out of the special combo. Sicheng had never seen his expression drop so quickly.

Sicheng could also swear he’d seen a tail from Yuta’s backside wilter down like a dying flower, left alone in the scorching sun for too long with no water. He could already see the same thing now, an imaginary tail wagging around and slapping the floor, in excitement. The image made him chuckle to himself.

“Oh?” Taeil had finally chosen a song with Yuta and while he waited for the song to load, he began to put his coat on the side of the couch and greeted Sicheng.

“Hey, Winwin. I hadn’t seen you there.” Taeil went in for a side hug and Sicheng mock-reluctantly returned the hug and shrinked back into the chair when Taeil moved away.

“Hi, Taeil-hyung.” Sicheng responded just when another knock sounded and another face appeared. This time it was Ten and two new faces he’d never seen before. Taeil moved closer to Sicheng on the round couch and Sicheng briefly praised Ten for renting such a huge room that could easily hold ten people.

“Wow, you guys are already here.” Ten said as he also removed his coat and laid it over Taeil’s.

“Yeah.” Yuta responded to Ten before nodding towards the two strangers respectfully. “Me and Winwin were the first here.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” Ten said and seemed to forget he still had guests standing by the door awkwardly and turned to introduce them. “Shit, I almost forgot. This are my friends from class, Doyoung and Jaehyun.”

“I’m Taeil,” Taeil said and outstretched his hand for the two males to shake. “This is Yuta-” Taeil reached out and pulled the taller male towards him. “And he-” Taeil sidestepped to reveal Sicheng sitting alone on the couch, “-is Winwin.”

“Hello,” The one to the right said and bowed his head. “I’m Doyoung, a friend of Ten’s and this is Jaehyun, my boyfriend.”

Sicheng wasn’t surprised by male on male relationships anymore having been around Ten and Johnny enough to get used to having several males around him involved in a relationship with other men but he was taken aback at how brave Doyoung would have to be to confess his relationship to complete strangers he just met.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Yuta said and bowed. “Please take a seat.” He gestured towards where Sicheng was sitting and Sicheng remembered he’d never told Yuta about his dislike towards strangers. Luckily for him, Doyoung and Jaehyun seemed to get the hint and kept a comfortable distance between them.

“Shall we wait for the others or do we begin now?” Ten asked and looked at his companions.

“Well,” Yuta flashed his toothy grin and Sicheng felt his heart become a little warm. A small smile pulled at his lips and Sicheng quickly wiped it away once he realized how strange he must look to the others. “Everytime we try to sing a song, someone ends up walking in.”

Ten laughed and went to stand by Yuta. “Let me choose the next song.” Ten took the control and began scrolling through the list while Taeil entertained their guests. Sicheng felt bad for not being able to assist Taeil but his fear of strangers was one of the few things he’d never managed to conquer his entire life.

Just as Ten was about to play the song, another knock sounded -Yuta groaned loudly but they all acted like they hadn’t heard him- and Johnny’s head peaked through. Ten’s mood immediately lifted and he went to meet his boyfriend at the door. Johnny greeted Ten and wrapped an arm around his shoulder before moving in and letting in a few more of his friends.

Sicheng recognized the guy with Yuta the first day they met. Taeyong, I think, was his name. He had black hair now that was styled in a wet way that looked like he’d just gotten out of the shower and had messily ran his hands through it, leaving it damp and stuck onto his forehead.

Sicheng looked past Taeyong and observed the other two who walked in. One of them had short blonde hair cropped just above his eyebrows and had the chubbiest cheeks Sicheng had ever seen. The other one had styled back black hair that glistened in the low light of the room. Sicheng also noticed how freakishly tall he was; his legs went on for miles, not quite the length of Johnny’s freakishly long legs but enough to be intimidating.

Sicheng couldn’t help but look back at the first male and think he had a sweet, almost baby-like face. The man had almond-shaped eyes that unlike Taeyong’s ever piercing gaze, his held a softness, child-like to it that made him to be younger than he probably was. The image was cemented by his faint pink lips that glistened from saliva, and his slightly round cheeks. Sicheng found him to be rather adorable.

“This is-” Sicheng snapped back to reality when he heard Johnny’s voice and looked back at the unrealistically tall man. “Lucas, or Yukhei-” Johnny pointed at the one with cropped hair, the one Sicheng liked, “-and this is Jungwoo.”

“Jungwoo, Lucas, this is-” Johnny began listing them down from their own seating -or standing on Yuta’s part- arrangement until he was finished and then briefly explained where he knew Jungwoo and Lucas from.

“We met in class when I had a little incident and they helped me out.” Johnny ruffled Ten’s hair with his gigantic hands, smirking when he heard Ten squawk and try to yank his body from Johnny’s grip.  
They all ignored Johnny’s and Ten’s ‘friendly’ brawl and looked at Taeil when he began speaking, “Well, since everyone’s here-” Taeil began and looked back at Ten and Johnny for confirmation that there were no more people scheduled to arrive. “-since everyone’s here, why don’t we start?”

At some point, Ten had ordered drinks and had made nearly everyone drink. Sicheng was mildly surprised to find that Jungwoo, Lucas and Doyoung and Taeyong were seriously weak drinkers. They passed out after the second round and were left sleeping on the opposite side of the couch while Taeil, Johnny, Ten, Jaehyun, and Yuta were busy singing and dancing along to whatever song was playing.

Sicheng hadn’t moved from his spot for more than ten minutes, occasionally standing up to go to the bathroom or to grab some water, but for most part, he sat down and watched his friends unwind.

Sicheng didn’t really care much about parties or frivolous dancing and singing but he did enjoy watching his friends have a good time. He watched with a smile as Ten and Johnny belted out the lyrics of the current song playing while Taeil died laughing, being the only professional singer amongst the group.

Yuta was rather tipsy and seemed to be dancing to an imaginary beat. Jaehyun for the most part was deeply immersed into playing the faux drums on the side and barely paid attention to any of them. He was also deeply drunk but it barely showed due to his trademark blank expression.

Sicheng laughed lightly as Ten hit a high note, or tried to. His voice cracked in between and sent him, Johnny and Taeil into a fit of laughter and aching sides.

“Sicheng~” Yuta whined and Sicheng turned around to see Yuta standing in front of him, hair all mussed and messed up, face flushed and sweaty.

Yuta dropped onto the seat beside him and literally sent his entire weight onto the slender male. Sicheng scrambled to keep Yuta upright and ended up with his head mostly on his lap while his legs stretched out.

“You’re extremely drunk, Yuta.” Sicheng said matter-of-factly and smirked down at Yuta. “You stink of booze.”

“No, I don’t~” Yuta whined again and flipped around so that his head was looking directly up at Sicheng. “I smell nice.”

Sicheng snorted but Yuta didn’t hear it, or if he did he ignored it and mumbled sleepily. “You smell nice.”

Sicheng laughed again and ran a hand through Yuta’s hair. “That’s because I showered. Unlike you.”

Sicheng felt the skin on his thigh get pinched and yelped from the sudden pain.

“Ow! That hurt!” Sicheng looked down at Yuta, amused and confused at the same time.

“You deserve it, cheeky brat.” Yuta mumbled weakly and snuggled up to Sicheng. “Hey, Sichengie~”

“Don’t call me that.” Sicheng’s response was automatic before Yuta picked the nickname up.

Yuta continued on as if he hadn’t heard Sicheng’s words at all. “That day in that alcove…”

Sicheng felt dread settle in his gut at those words but kept silent and continued stroking Yuta’s hair.

“What you said...it really hurt me, you know.” Yuta was just mumbling to himself but Sicheng heard as if the man was yelling through a megaphone joined to a microphone..

“I was seriously happy when I learned you danced as well…” Yuta shifted again and momentarily, Sicheng felt bad for him since he was sleeping on his slender legs that had only muscles instead of the much more comfortable couch underneath him. He thought it had to be very uncomfortable for the Japanese male but Yuta didn’t seem overly bothered by it and continued to talk.

“I thought there was something we could finally have in common. Something that you genuinely liked and had a passion for instead of the times when I’d drag you around to do what I wanted to do.”

Sicheng vaguely wondered if all drunks were this literate and coherent, or if Yuta was the only exception.

“But when you left and said that...I was really sad.” Yuta’s voice had lowered even further and Sicheng couldn’t tell if that was because of the alcohol running through his system or if it was because of the memory he was no doubt relieving in his mind right now.

“I really missed you.” Yuta’s speech was slurring even more than before and Sicheng knew the man was two seconds away from blacking out. “Let’s not fight again, Winwinie. Please. I can’t stand it.”

The last part was more of a sigh rather than words but Sicheng heard it and lightly caressed Yuta’s hair, careful not to do it enough that he could possibly awaken once more. Sicheng bent down and to outside viewers it’d look like he was whispering into Yuta’s ear but he was actually planting a subtle kiss on Yuta’s forehead, whispering under his breath as he backed away that he missed him too.

“Ah!” Ten was still awake and active despite having have drunk double the amount everyone else had. Even Johnny had tapped out and was snoring peacefully on the floor. Ten sat near his abdomen and looked at the sleeping male in Sicheng’s lap.

“Yuta passed out as well?” Ten sounded disappointed and Sicheng wondered what sort of demonic powers rested inside such a small body to be able to drink all five fully grown men under the table and still be awake to be on his phone.

“Yeah, a while ago.” Sicheng omitted the part about his legs having have lost blood flow nearly an hour ago and began wondering how he’d get Yuta back to his room.

“Hey, Ten-hyung.” Sicheng called out and Ten lifted his head again. “Could I ask for a favor?

“Sure, what is it?” Ten put his phone aside and looked at Sicheng, his interest slightly peaked.

“Could you help me get Yuta up so that I can take him back to his room?” Sicheng tried but he lacked the physical power to lift Yuta’s head long enough so that he could squiggle out.

“Sure.” Ten tossed his phone aside and stood up. Together, they lifted Yuta’s head up and got Sicheng out before combining their strengths once more to raise Yuta’s body up. Eventually, they managed to lift Yuta up and Sicheng held him up as he waved goodbye to Ten and waved down the first cab he could see.

Sicheng dropped Yuta in the back with a grunt before climbing in himself and giving the driver the directions to their dorm. When the driver stopped the car, Sicheng paid and got Yuta out of the car and up to his room. It would have been too much work to take him till his dorm when his dorm was closer, so Sicheng trudged up the steps with a completely passed out Yuta and tossed him onto the bed when they finally entered his bedroom.

Sicheng huffed and wiped the sweat beading on his forehead with the back of his palm. His arms and back were aching and sore after carrying Yuta by himself and he took a second to sit down and gently massage his aching parts.

“You’re really heavy, you know that.” Sicheng panted and shook his head slightly, watching as a few droplets of sweat splattered everywhere.

Sicheng was strong, years and years of dancing had made his physical fitness soar through the ceiling and most of the time, he was the one doing the heavy lifting for his friends, but Yuta was completely dead weight on his arms. Sicheng was used to carrying things that had control over themselves or if he was the one controlling their movements, but Yuta was barely even a human in his current state.

He just flopped around like a doll and Sicheng had never endured that before. Sicheng sighed and stood up to remove Yuta’s shoes and tuck him in bed before changing out of his own clothes and collapsing on the bed beside Yuta, suddenly exhausted.

Yuta woke up the following morning, tucked and cozy under a blanket while something light and feathery tickled his nose. He scrunched his face and tried drawing his nose from the feather. He soon found out that it wasn’t a feather or a stray piece of pillow fluttering around his nose but rather Sicheng’s hair and nearly snapped himself in half as he tried moving away from Sicheng.

He ended up falling onto the ground, after overestimating the distance between the floor and the edge of the bed and woke Sicheng up.

“Why are you so loud this early in the morning?” Sicheng groaned out, sitting up and glaring at Yuta through halfway opened eyelids.

“Uh…” Yuta was sure he looked like a righteous mess. The front half of his hair was probably standing perfectly straight as if it’d gotten electrocuted while the rest was oddly flattened to his skull. His breath definitely stinked after last night’s activities and he was very aware of the drool quickly drying on the corner of his mouth, but all he could think about was how beautiful Sicheng looked like with his hair all mussed and messy and his eyes barely open, trying to glare down at him but it only made him that much more beautiful.

“I fell off.” Yuta responded slowly and reluctantly looked away.

Sicheng snorted and ran his hand through his hair, messing it even further. “I can tell that much. I’m asking why you fell off. You were perfectly drunk hours ago.”

“Uh…” Yuta wondered if his brain had completely short-circuited and could only respond with half-hearted, one worded responses. His brief speech dilemma was cut short when Sicheng began speaking.

“Whatever.” Sicheng said and fell back onto the bed. “You better shower and get dressed. You still smell like alcohol and sweat from yesterday.”

Sicheng turned over and left Yuta staring at his back. “The spare towel is in the bottom drawer in the bathroom. Feel free to use it.” He paused for a long time and Yuta wondered if he’d fallen back to sleep when he spoke, “I’m going back to sleep, wake me up when you leave so that I can lock the door.”

Yuta could only nod and watch as Sicheng fell back onto the bed and went back to sleep. He moved automatically to the bathroom and took a shower before drying off and borrowing a pair of clothes from Sicheng. He knew the male rather disliked his things being touched without his permission but Yuta was in a rush and made a note to apologize to him when he woke up.

Yuta passed by Sicheng and glanced down at his sleeping face. He debated with himself for a few seconds before deciding against it and walking away. He wanted to wake Sicheng up and tell him to lock the door but he would have to be blind not to notice the black circles around Sicheng’s eyes.

Yuta knew Sicheng tended to push himself till breaking point, sometimes even past that point. He understood Sicheng’s desire to achieve his dreams, and his goals, after all he had his own dreams and goals, but Yuta wished he could do so without putting his own health and well-being on the back burner.

He didn’t understand why seeing the male, exhausted and weary, yet still pushing on to do even more, to go even further, had him feeling queasy and had his palms sweaty and damp but it did, and each time Yuta caught on to the tired, sluggish way Sicheng would look or act, probably from another all-nighter, he felt that feeling of nausea and fear rise.

“I’m sorry, Sichengie,” Yuta lowered his voice to a whisper and waved even though Sicheng’s back faced him. “I know you told me to wake you up, but you look too peaceful sleeping, so I’m going to leave you sleeping a little longer. We both know you need it.”

“Bye bye.” Yuta checked once more if he’d left anything important before moving back and closing the door as he went. Sicheng slept through it all and woke up hours later to find the Japanese male gone.

“How can you still be alive right now?” Taeil whined out, hands buried in his hair, on the verge of tearing his thick brown locks off. He glared at Ten from behind Yuta’s body, madly jealous of the carefree way Ten kept acting, while he couldn’t send a glare properly without wincing and feeling as if his brain was trying to melt through his ears.

Ten laughed again and looked at the pained figure of Taeil. “That’s because I’m used to drinking, Taeil-hyung~” Ten replied with a singsong voice that he knew would purposefully grate on Taeil’s nerves.

“Ah…” Taeil groaned again and looked away from Ten. “Don’t do that.” He rubbed at his temples and gently laid his head down on the table, wincing when Sicheng, oblivious to his peril, walked over and slammed his tray onto the table.

“Ow…” Taeil whined and softened when he felt Sicheng rub his scalp in apology and hand him a piece of food from his tray. Taeil ate it and went back to laying onto the table and trying, to no avail, to lessen the intensity of his hungover.

“Even I don’t know how he drinks all that he does and doesn’t get drunk.” Johnny chipped in from his seat next to Ten, eyes lowered and the large black hoodie he wore obscured his hair and part of his face. He seemed to be suffering just like Taeil was and briefly glanced over to his boyfriend. “He once drank two whole bottles of vodka and was able to go to class the next day. He even sang on the way there!”

Ten laughed again and gently side-hugged Johnny. “Thank you for the compliments, darling.”

“It’s not a compliment.” Taeil mumbled but Ten ignored him and shrugged.

“I can’t explain it. I guess my liver is just used to alcohol.” Ten looked away from Johnny and at Sicheng. “So, how did it go last night? Did you two get home well?”

“Yeah.” Sicheng replied, glancing up at Ten for a second before lowering his eyes to his phone again. “It was hard carrying him up the stairs but yeah, we got there with no incident.”

“Who were you carrying?” Taeil quipped and slowly turned to Sicheng.

“Ah, Yuta. He was seriously drunk yesterday and passed out on me, so I had to carry him back to my room.” Sicheng locked his phone and kept it in his pocket and returned to his food.

Taeil’s face was positioned halfway facing Sicheng and the other half was visible to Ten and Johnny who sat facing Sicheng while Taeil remained in the center of them both. Thus, it made it very easy for Ten to see that look of jealousy he knew too well flash past Taeil’s brown eyes.

“How did you guys get back though? I left before any of you.” Sicheng was blind to what Ten had seen and continued talking as normal. Ten mentally reminded himself to try and talk to Taeil later and turned to respond to Sicheng’s question.

“Well, me and Johnny took a cab with Taeyong and Taeil. I think Doyoung and Jaehyun were taken back by Lucas and Jungwoo but I’m not too sure.” Ten said and took a bite of his food. “I do remember seeing Taeil flirt with Taeyong though.”

Ten grinned wickedly when Taeil’s head shot up so fast, all previous mentions of a headache forgotten under the threat of Ten’s cruel tongue.

“You!” Taeil pointed at Ten with his fork and said, “Keep quiet! We vowed never to speak of that again!”

“Eyy~” Ten smirked and lifted his brows at Taeil, his own fork hanging from his mouth held there by the way he curved his tongue. Ten sucked at the metal and removed it for a moment to say, ignoring the uncharacteristic squawk that came from Taeil. “What’s the fun in that?”

“Anyway,” Ten looked at Sicheng and at Yuta who had recently joined them after spotting them when he walked into the cafeteria. He set down his tray and looked at Sicheng for an explanation of what they were doing. Sicheng informed him and Ten watched as both males looked at him to continue the story.

“Taeil-hyung was a completely different person yesterday. I swear I’d never seen him like that.” Ten said, “He, at first, hadn’t talked to Taeyong at all other than the basic greeting but after they’d both gotten a little bit of alcohol in them, Taeil-hyung was the most chatty I’d ever seen him be.”

“You make it sound like I was talking his ear off for hours.” Taeil said from his chair.

“You were.” Ten said, matter-of-factly.

Taeil scoffed and gave Ten a deadpan look. “No. I wasn’t.”

Ten laughed and nodded, “Yeah, you weren’t. He told me he liked your voice.”

Ten practically cackled like a mad witch when Taeil turned various shades of red. “Look! He’s blushing!”

Sicheng truly wondered, during times like this, if Ten was really a good person or was just a demon hiding behind a human disguise. He watched as Ten continued teasing Taeil by repeating all the things Taeyong had whispered to him during his inebriated state.

Sicheng couldn’t confirm whether it was true or not because at some point he’d stopped watching his friends and began looking at Yuta, and Yuta alone. The thought scared him and Sicheng pushed it as far away as possible.

“But, really.” Ten said, wiping away a tear from his right eye. “He did talk to me when I was helping Jungwoo and Lucas. He’d stumbled into me and I guess he thought I was you, ‘cause he said that I was cute but not me and more of ‘Taeil is cute.’ “

“You and Johnny and Taeyong were passed out drunk but he’d mumble in his sleep and would occasionally say your name.” Ten said and took a sip of his drink.

“That’s just another lie. I can’t believe what you say anymore.” Taeil turned away and was about to lay his head down again but Ten’s next words had him freezing in shock.

“If you don’t believe me you can just ask him, see, there he is!” Ten exclaimed and waved maniacally at Taeyong, who, with impeccable timing, had waltzed -he’d walked in but Sicheng felt the word fit the situation better- in and had immediately spotted Ten’s wild hand. He began walking over and Sicheng watched, half amused, half pitiful, as Taeil’s face lost it’s previous cherry look and became paler than a sheet.

“Hey.” Taeyong greeted as he sat next to Taeil, oblivious to the older man’s anguish.

Taeil squeaked out what he hoped was a greeting while Ten’s eyes shone with glee. He hadn’t laughed but the sound he’d made when Taeyong sat could be seen as the equivalent of the cackling he’d earlier on done.

Johnny weakly waved a hand in Taeyong’s direction and Taeyong snorted lightly. “You still have a hangover, John?”

“Yeah….It won’t go away no matter what I do…” Johnny croaked out and briefly looked at Taeyong.

“Didn’t you drink that thing I made you last time?” Taeyong asked and Ten’s interest was briefly peaked. He leaned forward and fixed Taeyong with a innocent questioning stare. Taeil and Sicheng simultaneously felt a sensation of pure fear and dread run down their spines at the look.

“What thing is that?” Ten asked sweetly and batted his eyelashes slightly. It was overdone but Ten was one to use whatever means he had to get what he wanted and if that meant using his unrealistic beauty, then he would.

“It’s a concoction I made last year. We had a party at one of our friends houses and it had gotten a bit out of hand. At the end of it all, Johnny and I were completely wasted and woke up with a massive hangover the next day. “

“I messed with a few things in the kitchen and made some sort of hangover cure. Ever since, when either one of us get wasted, we just make it and take it and then the pain stops.”

Ten’s brow lifted and grinned slightly. He wiped it off and said, “Well, that’s great! It just so happens that Taeil-hyung here has a massive hangover and can barely talk.” Ten knew he had to sell it more and brought out the pity party. “He’s been groaning and in pain all day. He can’t eat, talk or even move around because his head is about to split open. I feel so bad for him-,” Ten clasped a hand under his chin and faced Taeil with a mock-worried look. “It hurts my heart to see him in so much pain.”

“Really?” Ten praised Taeyong’s naivety and truly used the situation to his advantage. Taeyong looked at Taeil, worry in his faint green contacts. “Are you feeling better now? Sometimes it can lessen as the day goes by.”

“Mmh…” Taeil hummed and nodded. “I’m fine now. Thank you.”

“Oh, don’t let that fool you, Taeyong. He’s been in pain all the time, please help him.” Ten, at this point, was no longer trying to hide his intentions and began blatantly grinning at Taeil and Taeyong.

“I’d feel bad if you were in pain and I could help you. Please let me help.” Taeyong was so sincere and honest that Taeil felt it hard to lie let alone refuse the request. He reluctantly nodded and pretended not to hear Ten’s chuckle as Taeyong led them out of the cafeteria and towards his room where he kept the concoction.

“You’re really evil, you know that right?” Sicheng said as he bit into his food.

“No, Sicheng. This isn’t being evil. It’s caring for your friends.” Ten responded and began freely drinking his drink while rubbing soothing circles into Johnny’s back. “He likes Taeyong and so does Taeyong but he’d never act on since he has a massive crush on you.”

Both Yuta and Sicheng dropped their food and drink respectively. Yuta’s eyes bugged out before Ten saw the violent jealousy flash through them. He turned to Sicheng and saw his eyes were still bugged out and he seemed to be in shock.

“What? You didn’t know?” Ten asked and continued on to say. “He’s had a massive crush on you since day one. Ever since he gathered up the courage to talk to you, he’d had a massive crush on you.”

“Are you sure you should be saying any of this?” Johnny whispered as Ten kneaded a particularly hard muscle in the middle of his back. “Won’t Taeil-hyung be mad at you?”

“Probably.” Ten whispered in the same note. “But, at this point none of them will ever confess.”

“Taeil has had a crush on Sicheng for as long as I could remember. He never had the courage to tell how Sicheng felt and it became worse when Yuta and Sicheng became friends. Meanwhile, Sicheng has feelings for Yuta and doesn’t want to acknowledge them and Yuta is the same but only he has a girlfriend.” Ten leaned closer to Johnny so that Sicheng or Yuta wouldn’t be able to hear him or read his lips. “Taeyong’s appearance was the best thing that could’ve happened to Taeil.”

“I get what your trying to do but are you sure it’s any of your business?” Johnny said back and glanced at Ten. “I know you’re trying to help your friends but are you sure exposing Taeil’s secret is the way to go? He might hate you for it.”

Ten leaned back and crossed his hands over his chest. He looked at Yuta and Sicheng and they were in a world of their own. They weren’t paying attention to him and Johnny so Ten could lean back and talk freely.

“Maybe he will.” Ten looked away and looked back at his boyfriend, an unexplainable expression rested upon his face. “I guess that’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

“There’s really no need for that…” Taeil said as he tried to dissuade Taeyong from making him his special concoction. “I promise you, I’m fine…”

“Please don’t be so polite.” Taeyong said as he bent down to collect his mortar and pestle stored away in the cupboard. “I’m the one who offered to make it for you.”

“Besides, you really don’t look okay.” Taeyong glanced back at Taeil and gestured to the chair to his right, just behind him in the living room. “Please sit down and rest.”

Taeil wanted to resist and decline Taeyong’s request but he really was tired and after his short spat with Ten, sleep sounded like a heaven-sent option. He opened his mouth, about to decline regardless of how he felt but felt his feet move in the direction of the couch. Taeil sat down and laid his head on the arm of the couch, planning to just close his eyes for five minutes, but failed miserably as he ended up sleeping for nearly half an hour.

Taeyong ended up shaking Taeil awake nearly an hour after he’d finished making the hangover cure. He hadn’t wanted to wake the smaller man up since he really looked exhausted, but he knew from experience that it only got worse the more you ignored it.

“Taeil-hyung.” Taeyong called out softy and shook Taeil’s shoulder lightly. “It’s time to wake up. The drink’s ready.”

Taeil took a few more shakes before he fully woke up and sat up to look at Taeyong through sleepy eyelids. He rubbed at them and blinked a few times before focusing on Taeyong’s slender form squatting down to be eye level with him on the couch.

“How long have I been asleep for?” Taeil mumbled out and Taeyong glanced back to the clock hang up on his wall. It was exactly an hour after Taeil went to sleep.

“For an hour.” Taeyong stood up and offered his hand to Taeil. “Come on, the drink is ready. I have to warn you though. It’s very bitter.”

Taeil took Taeyong’s offered hand and stood up with his assistance. He planned to let go of Taeyong’s hand after he stood but the taller male wouldn’t let him. Taeil felt it would be too embarrassing if he were to tug his hand out or politely mention his hand and left it there and watched as Taeil led him to his small dining room where he’d not only made the promised concoction but also a whole meal.

“I...I uh thought you might be hungry since I pulled you from your lunch and made you sleep...in...my....house…” Taeyong’s words drifted off towards the end but it only added to the warm feeling in Taeil’s chest.

“Thank you…” Taeil said sincerely. He reached out for Taeyong’s hand and squeezed it tightly while looking into his eyes. “I really mean it. Thank you.”

Taeil smiled when Taeyong blushed furiously and looked away, letting out a strange squeaking sound as he did. Taeil let go of his hand and sat down. He looked around and didn’t see a plate of food for Taeyong as well. He looked up to the taller male, confused, “Where is your food? I don’t see a plate anywhere.”

“Ah, I’m not eating. I’m full.” Taeyong said and Taeil frowned and pulled out the chair to his right.

“I might have been hangover but I definitely remember you only taking like three bites of your lunch.” Taeil patted the flat wooden seat and gestured for Taeyong to sit. “Sit with me.”

Taeyong sat down and rested his elbows on the table, chuckling low in his throat when Taeil huffed at his blatant lack of manners. He rested his arm flat on the table and laid his head down on his bicep and looked at Taeil as he ate.

Taeil noticed Taeyong’s eyes and grabbed a bit of each dish laid in front of him and fed it to Taeyong. He took another bite and then fed another bite to Taeyong. It went on like this till the food ended and both he and Taeyong were full.

Sicheng was still reeling from Ten’s words and had barely said anything to Yuta after they both excused themselves from their joint lunch with Ten and Johnny. He had kept to himself and began wondering when Taeil had first felt that way towards him. Sicheng knew it was pointless considering Ten, even if he hadn’t said it, had implied that the feelings had started a while ago, but he couldn’t help but think.

He wasn’t as disturbed as he had heard other people be when one of their closest friends revealed to be having feeling from them and was just stunned. He felt bad he hadn’t noticed and at the same time, he felt flattered.

Taeil was a very attractive young male, with the voice of an angel and the moves of a well-trained dancer. Most of the school had a crush on him whether they knew it or not. Sicheng felt flattered that Taeil had developed those feelings towards him but he was also seriously impressed. Taeil, instead of coming out and telling Sicheng how he felt, decided to keep his feelings to himself and leave Sicheng as a friend rather than a potential partner.

Sicheng felt a bit guilty because he was doing the complete opposite with Yuta. He had questioned him about his girlfriend, had pushed him away when he was just trying to help, and had tried to restore their relationship based on the sudden bout of jealousy he felt when he heard about Yuta’s relationship. He had had wanted to make up with Yuta. That was obvious. But hearing about the girlfriend he had made him spur into action. It was like prior to the news, he had been a car engine left off but post-news he had finally been turned on and began working properly. It wasn’t an excuse and Sicheng knew how horrible it sounded in his head.

He knew it sounded as if his jealousy had been the reason for his sudden apology. He knew it sounded horrible and it made him feel sick each time he thought about it but it wasn’t true. He had genuinely wanted to apologize but he hadn’t known what to say.

“Winwin….! Sicheng….! Sicheng!!” Yuta said and shook his shoulder, breaking him out of his haze and make him look at him.

“What?” Sicheng turned to Yuta and asked.

“I’d been calling you for a while but you hadn’t heard me.” Yuta responded and cocked his head to the side. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah….I’m fine.” Sicheng shrugged and stretched out his shoulders.

Yuta was about to say something else but when he opened his mouth, he heard another voice, a female voice, call out his name. Yuta turned to the direction he’d heard the voice from and was a bit stunned to see his girlfriend waving at him as she walked over.

Sicheng had also turned when he’d heard the voice and was a bit unsure as he watched the woman come closer until she stopped in front of Yuta. It was when she gently pulled him down for a kiss that it hit him. This was Yuta’s girlfriend.

“Seulgi!” Yuta exclaimed, pulling back from the kiss and keeping a small distance between them. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean ‘What am I doing here?’” Seulgi chuckled and ran a hand through her black hair. It easily swept through her fingers and fell back gracefully on her back. “I came to see you. Am I not allowed to visit my boyfriend?” She asked, pouting slightly.

“No, no, that wasn’t I meant.” Yuta held his hands out and shook them and his head simultaneously. “I was just surprised to see you, that’s all.”

Seulgi smiled fondly at Yuta and Sicheng desperately wanted to turn away from the sight but couldn’t. It felt like his feet were firmly planted into the ground and refused to budge an inch, leaving Sicheng to watch in silent despair. “I missed you.”

“Me too…” Yuta responded and Sicheng had never felt like he was an unnecessary presence until then. What he was witnessing was something private and belonged to the two of them, yet he still couldn’t find it in him to turn and walk away.

“Ah!” Yuta seemed to remember Sicheng’s presence behind him and turned to him, moving over to stand beside Seulgi and facing the Chinese male. “I almost forgot, this is Sicheng, my friend. Sicheng, this is Seulgi, my girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you.” Sicheng bowed politely and stood up tall.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Sicheng.” Seulgi repeated the action and stood up to face him. “I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but are you perhaps Chinese?”

“Yes, I am.” Sicheng responded.

“Oh...Then is it really okay if I call you Sicheng?” Seulgi asked. “It feels a bit disrespectful…”

Sicheng hadn’t expected to hear that when he told Seulgi he was Chinese. He was left stunned for a few seconds, staring at Seulgi in complete surprise, while he tried to think of what to say.

“Ah….No, it’s okay. I go by Winwin as well, if you feel more comfortable calling me that.”

Seulgi nodded. “I’d prefer that. It’s nice to meet you, Winwin.”

Sicheng nodded and looked at Yuta. “I’ll get going then.” He took a step back, about to turn away and walk far away from the image of Yuta standing near his girlfriend when Seulgi stopped him again.

“Ah!” She exclaimed and held a hand out to Sicheng, “Wait, actually.... I wanted to ask if you’d join us? If that's okay with you, that is.”

Sicheng wished he could explain why he was sitting down at a cafe, five feet away from Yuta and his girlfriend. They were sat at one of the far corners of the cafe and were lucky enough to find a table with one of those cushiony seats.

Sicheng had chosen the side with the cushion seats while Yuta and Seulgi sat facing him. The air was incredibly awkward on its own but Yuta having not said a single word since Seulgi showed up in campus made it worse.

It left Sicheng, who had a hard time dealing with strangers, talking to Seulgi, who was incredibly nice and was generally a sweet and kind person. Sicheng tried to find anything displeasing about her but he couldn’t. Seulgi was just that much of a good person who clearly cared a lot about Yuta, and judging from the few stories she’d shared with him, Yuta cared a great deal about her too.

“Yuta, are you okay?” Seulgi seemed to have noticed her boyfriend’s silence and turned to him gently laying a hand on the hand he had curled around the mug’s handle. “You haven’t said anything for a while now…”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Yuta responded and flashed Seulgi a tight smile. “I’ve just been listening to you two talk.”

“Oh,” Seulgi smiled and let go of Yuta’s hand. She turned to Sicheng and flashed him a wide grin and a playful wink. “Sicheng’s really fun to talk to! I kind of lost track of time….”

Sicheng looked at the clock above the cafe’s entrance and was surprised to find it a few hours after they’d entered the cafe. He turned back to the couple and excused himself, using the late time as an excuse to run away from Seulgi and Yuta. “I best get going now, it’s getting late and I have work to do.” He stood up and gathered his things, bowing once to the couple and thanking them for the coffee before briskly exiting the cafe and taking long strides back to the campus and up to his room.

“I’m sorry, you did what?”

Ten, in hindsight, should’ve been more prepared when he told Taeil about what he did because now he was just a sitting duck waiting to be skewered and roasted over a fire. The only saving grace he had was the table seated between him and the older man and the fact that he was a rather fast runner, if needed be.

“I know I shouldn’t have said anything but it just came out.” Ten could feel Johnny’s incredulous stare on him even though the man wasn’t anywhere in the room.

“It just came out? Your excuse for exposing my crush to Sicheng, is it just came out?” Taeil practically growled out.

“Okay it didn’t, I planned to tell him.” Ten said, finally giving up and retelling the story as it had happened with a few trimmed parts. “I know it wasn’t in my place and I have no excuse to justify what I did.”

Taeil heard the ‘but’ coming up and sighed heavily. He ran a hand through his hair and tried controlling his rapidly declining temper and turned to the Thailandese man.

“But I think it was for the best. You were never going to tell Sicheng, and it looked like you were starting something with Taeyong. I just wanted to help you.”

“It doesn’t matter if you wanted to help, Ten.” Taeil said tightly. “The problem is you outed me to Sicheng without my approval. You took that from me. I was supposed to be the one to tell him how I felt, but you did that, and that is not okay.”

Taeil groaned and rested his entire face onto the table. Ten kept quiet for a few minutes before asking in a quiet voice if he was angry at him. Taeil wanted to snap and say that he was obviously angry, because, judging from the circumstances it’d be a bit odd if he wasn’t annoyed at the Thailandese man, but beneath that quiet voice, Taeil also heard how his friend’s voice trembled and wavered halfway through his question.

Taeil had always know Ten was a bit more sensitive than he’d personally like to admit. He acted like he was an all-knowing, aloof chic bastard but Taeil had seen -on more than one occasion- how hurt the male could get from a badly timed joke, or a poorly phrased jab. Therefore, hearing Ten’s voice tremble slightly, Taeil lifted his head and looked at him.

Ten wasn’t looking at him and was looking down at his fingers, clasped tightly together on the table. Taeil tried to see if he had tears in his eyes but Ten shifted and angled his head away from him.

Taeil looked at him for a bit longer before sighing heavily again and shaking his head. “No, I’m not mad at you Ten. I’m just disappointed--….and slightly relieved…” Taeil whispered the last part, hoping Ten wouldn’t hear it, but the room being the graveyard it was, Ten picked it up immediately.

His brows furrowed, confused, as he turned to Taeil. “What do you mean ‘slightly relieved?’ I thought you wanted to tell Winwin yourself?”

“I did. I still wanted to.” Taeil responded and sat upright. “Or I thought I did until that blasted party of yours.”

“I don’t get it.” Ten said and frankly, neither did Taeil.

“Basically, I liked Sicheng -I still like him actually- but now I don’t know what to think.”

“Is this because of Taeyong?”

Taeil kept quiet.

“You know, it’s okay to like two people right….? Those things happen. It’s not a bad thing.” Ten said.

“I know that, but….I don’t know...It feels weird having feelings for Taeyong when I was still crushing over Sicheng just the day before yesterday. It feels like I’m cheating myself whenever I’m with Taeyong because I still like Sicheng, and it’s really fucking confusing.”

Ten’s brow rose at Taeil’s rare use of cuss words. Taeil often adhered to a clean, and neat vocabulary, same as to Sicheng, so hearing him cuss surprised Ten more than he thought it would.

“How did he react?” Taeil asked after a brief moment of mind-numbing awkwardness. “Sicheng, that is. How did he take the news?”

“He was stunned. I think they both were. Yuta didn’t do much except leave his mouth wide open, but Sicheng seemed to have frozen up, but not from disgust or something like that. He just seemed genuinely surprised to hear that.”

“Ah….” Taeil sighed and shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s already happened. The best I can do, is try to move on.”

Ten still looked worried and reached out for Taeil’s arm, gently resting his palm against Taeil’s forearm. “I really am sorry, hyung. I honestly was trying to help you.”

Taeil briefly laid his hand atop of Ten’s, squeezing it slightly, he waved off Ten’s apology. “Don’t worry about it, Ten. It’s already done, there’s nothing you or I can do about it now.”

Ten kept quiet for a short while before asking, “And what about Taeyong? What will you do about him? He seems to really like you and that’s saying something considering his past….”

It was Taeil’s turn to furrow his brows. “What do you mean his past?” “Taeyong never mentioned anything to me.”

Ten’s widened as he realized he’d fucked up once again.

Sicheng wasn’t sure what he expected when he met Seulgi, Yuta’s girlfriend. He supposed he might have expected her to be a aloof, blunt woman that way he could find the flaws in her easier and could consequently justifiably dislike her. He was bitterly shocked to find a completely nice, down to earth, kind, beautiful and sweet woman, such as Seulgi, was the girlfriend.

And no matter how hard he tried, Sicheng couldn’t see any fault in Seulgi. She’d been kind enough to invite him out when she didn’t have to, kept conversation with him and made him feel included, kept the atmosphere casual and light-hearted, and seemed to be genuinely interested whenever he spoke.

Sicheng knew Seulgi wasn’t perfect and she must have had her own flaws, but he was so thoroughly impressed with their first meeting, he couldn’t help but think if you searched perfect in the dictionary, her photo would show up and her name would be in the synonyms.

Sicheng, after leaving the couple and returning to his room, had fallen face-first onto his bed and laid there. He let his mind run wild as he turned his head to the side to prevent suffocation and his thoughts drifted back to their conversation with Ten and Johnny.

He remembered Ten spilling the secret of Taeil’s not-so-secret crush on him and tried gauging how he felt. Back then, after Ten told them, he’d been in shock and hadn’t gotten the chance to fully and thoroughly process what Ten said, but here, alone in his room, Sicheng had no distractions and was perfectly capable of addressing the situation.

He wondered if Taeil had any plans of ever confessing but dismissed the thought. It wasn’t the time to think about what would’ve been and focus on what was to come. Sicheng tried thinking of it like that, but still didn’t know how he felt.

Flattered, prideful, surprised, and joy were few of the many things Sicheng felt the more he thought about Taeil, but nowhere near all those emotions was the urge to reciprocate. Sicheng tried digging for any emotion that he felt the same way towards Taeil that he did, or even a possibility that it could happen and ended up blank. A part of him still saw Taeil as that elder hyung who had made friends with the anti-social Chinese student and invited him over to eat with him and his other friend.

Sicheng didn’t know how he could change that image of Taeil that was practically implanted into his brain and wasn’t sure if he wanted to.

In the midst of trying to figure out what to do, Sicheng’s mind unwillingly drifted back to Yuta. He tried moving on but stopped. He couldn’t keep running away from how he so obviously felt about the Japanese man. It was time to face the truth and fess up how he actually felt towards Yuta.

“Goodbye, Yuta.” Seulgi said as she stood up on her toes and planted a warm kiss on her boyfriend’s lips. She didn’t stay for long before pulling back and waving goodbye as she walked towards the gate leading to her house.

Yuta stayed and watched until she was in the house, safe and sound, before making his way back to his own room on campus. He took his phone out as he did, briefly glancing at the time, and sighing heavily when he did. It was nearing ten p.m. Yuta unlocked his phone and went to his messages. He hovered over the call button of Sicheng’s name, about to press down, but decided against it. Yuta locked his phone and pocketed it. He walked back to his room with no incident and took two stairs at a time as he climbed up to his room.

Yuta searched his pockets for his key and upon discovering it. He unlocked the door only to find Sicheng sitting on his bed, head facing the door, eyes locked onto his surprised one.

“Hey, Yuta.” Sicheng said, eyes still on him. “We have to talk.”

Sicheng sat up right immediately and nearly fell as he tried wearing his shoes on and opening his door at the same time. He didn’t even bother to grab a heavily padded sweater and just hurled himself down the stairs and down the streets to Ten’s room.

Ten snarled, annoyed, as a loud banging came from his door. He paused the show he was watching and stood up, flinging the blanket off him and padding over to the door, about to chew off the head of whomever stood on the other side of his door.

Ten grabbed the door and flinged it open, ready to give the person a piece of his mind, but stopped when he saw Sicheng, sweaty and panting after running down three flights of stairs and hurtling over four flights.

“Winwin? What are you doing here?” Ten didn’t bother complaining as Sicheng elbowed past him and entered the room, feet already leading him to the kitchen sink.

Sicheng filled up a glass of water and chugged it back as Ten closed the door and bent down to line up Sicheng’s shoes to his. He stood up and tentatively walked over to Sicheng. He leaned on the counter, using his elbows to hold him up as he asked Sicheng.

“What are you doing her, Winwin? It’s almost midnight.”

Sicheng didn’t answer and took another mouthful of water. He swallowed and turned to Ten, wiping off the sweat on his forehead as he did. “I needed to ask you something.”

“You ran all the way from your dorm, to mine, just to ask me something?” Ten hoped he didn’t sound as incredulous as he felt.

“Yes.” Sicheng nodded his head, “It’s very important.”

Ten was still skeptical but nodded and let Sicheng ask his question.

“Do I look like I’m in love with Yuta?” Sicheng asked in all seriousness.

Ten nearly fainted after the words left the younger man’s mouth. He fixed Sicheng with an incredulous look and asked, his voice oddly high. “I’m sorry, what?”

Sicheng lightly growled, seemingly growing frustrated as Ten didn’t answer his question. “I mean, am I in love with Yuta?”

“How would I know that!? It’s your heart!” Ten argued back.

Sicheng literally growled and ran a hand through his hair. “I just need you to answer my question, Ten-hyung! Does it look like I’m in love with Yuta?”

“Well, yeah! You’ve been looking like that for nearly two months now!” Ten said back. He too was growing frustrated with Sicheng’s unwanted frustration.

“Two months?” It was Sicheng’s turn to look incredulously back at his hyung.

“Well, it’s more of ever since you two reconciled but yeah roughly two months.”

Sicheng had a wild-eye expression on his face as he ran a hand nervously through his hair. Ten watched him warily, half-expecting a breakdown. He moved closer and touched Sicheng’s shoulder, breaking him whatever stupor he was stuck in.

Sicheng startled, nearly jumping back but Ten held him steadily. “Are you okay? You look pale. Well, paler than normal.”

Sicheng took a while to answer but eventually nodded and looked at Ten, eyes uncharacteristically dejected and mellow. “I’m fine.”

Ten snorted disbelievingly. “Yeah, I don’t believe that. You look like you’re about to faint. Come here,” Ten said as he led Sicheng towards the couches. “Sit down. Talk to me. I know you don’t want to talk to me about you and Yuta, but I’m all you have right now, so talk. I’m here to listen.”

It took a few minutes of silence before Sichegn shifted in his chair, trying to get comfortable, before turning and looking down at his bare feet and talking to Ten.

Ten listened as Sicheng spilled his entire hear out. He listened as Sicheng talked and talked through the worries and fears he’d been holding in for God knows how long. He listened through the trembling voice of Sicheng as he fought back to hold tears and pushed on to finish his story. Ten, once Sicheng was done, stood up and got him a tissue. Sicheng gratefully took the tissue and dabbed his tears away. Ten sat down, still and silent, as he tried thinking of what to say, thinking what the best advice was in this sort of situation.

It took him a while but Ten sort of figured out what to say and looked at Sicheng. “Listen, Sichengie-” Ten turned his entire body to face Sicheng and give him his full attention. “I….Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I wish things could be simple and all of your problems could be fixed with a simple snap of your fingers, but it can’t. That’s not how the world works.”

“In the real world, you have to work really hard and sacrifice almost everything you have to advance from where you were. It’s cruel and it can be mean at times, but it can also be the greatest feeling you’ve ever felt.”

“....Me and Johnny have been together for a while and we’ve had our fair share of bad fights and arguments but each time we reconcile, my love for him grows just that much more. I know it may sound cheesy right now, but believe me when I tell you, loving someone is a double-edged sword. It can bring you unbelievable happiness but it can also hurt you and make you very gloomy and tired. The choice is yours if you wish to speak up or not, but whichever you choose, I’m still standing by you.”

Sicheng hadn’t bothered and didn’t want to ask or know why Ten had keys to Yuta’s apartment and had thanked him before exiting his apartment and go to Yuta’s room. Sicheng climbed the stairs and after hovering beside the door for a few seconds, he braved all the courage he had in him and pushed the door open and walked in.

“H-how did you get in?” Yuta stammered a he spoke, his mind still trying to process what and why Sicheng was in his room and was sitting on his bed.

“Ten let me in. He has a key to all our rooms apparently.” Sicheng said and sat up. He didn’t move forward or make an attempt to and sat there, waiting for Yuta to speak.

“That’s not an invasion of privacy at all…” Yuta muttered and closed the door. He went over and stood in front of Sicheng, the confusion and worry clear in his eyes. It was very unlike Sicheng to be in his room in general, let alone at this time of night. Yuta couldn’t help but fear something bad had happened and voiced his concerns out to the man himself.

Sicheng shook his head, saying softly, “No. Nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to tell you something…”

Yuta knew it had to be important if Sicheng had came over from his room, all the way on the other side of campus, to his to tell him whatever he wanted to say at such a late hour. He focused on Sicheng, and listened intently, his eyes not moving from the tall Chinese male.

Sicheng momentarily faltered and began doubting his decision to come here. He knew the repercussions his words-his confession could have on Yuta, but he knew he couldn’t live with it anymore. He feared if he kept those words to himself, he’d end up in more pain than he already was in.

“I think I love you.”

Yuta had basic common sense to know that if his heart stopped in the middle of the night, he’d probably faint or worst case, he’d die. But he could almost swear his heart stopped mid-beat after Sicheng spoke.

“What?” Yuta asked dumbly. He stared, bug-eyed at Sicheng, his mind unwilling to cooperate and relay the words he’d just heard. “What did you say?”

Sicheng flushed lightly under Yuta’s gaze and turned to the side. “I said, I think I love you.”

Yuta blinked furiously and felt his mouth drop open in shock. He closed it and re-opened it, trying to form enough thoughts that could be converted into words and be expelled from his body in speech. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Yuta asked, his mind and heart racing a mile a minute.

“There’s no reason. I just realized a few minutes ago and wanted to tell you. That's all.”

“I can’t believe that, Winwin.” Yuta took a step back and ran a hand through his hair. He looked back at Sicheng, and all Sicheng could see was anxiety, fear and dread.The dread settled into his gut as well once he saw Yuta’s practically horrified expression but he held it better than the older man and kept his face blank.

“You tell me this hours after meeting my girlfriend. My girlfriend, Sicheng!” Yuta looked close to tearing his hair out from frustration and as another hand swept through his hair, Sicheng actually feared he would. “You can’t really expect me to believe this right now…”

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, Yuta. What matters is that I told you, and that you know. The fact that I told you this after meeting your girlfriend have no relation whatsoever.” Sicheng responded in a much calmer voice.

“That can’t be true and we both know it, Winwin.” Yuta legit tugged at his hair when he swept through it again. “You have to know how hard it is for me to believe you. You met my girlfriend for the first time today, and then you tell me you’re in love with me? It doesn’t matter whether you want me to believe you or not or if you need me to believe you. This sounds way too….”

“It’s like I said before, Yuta. I’m just telling you. I never said you have to respond.” Sicheng said as he walked away from Yuta and towards the door. “There’s honestly no relation to your girlfriend and this. Honestly.”

“Then tell me why, huh? Tell me why you decided to tell me this today, of all the days in the world, why did you choose to tell me that you loved me today?” Yuta was practically yelling now.

Sicheng felt his own temper flare and gritted his teeth tightly, sick of Yuta practically screaming in his face. “Because I just figured it out today.”

“So, you couldn’t wait till tomorrow to tell me this?” Yuta challenged and stepped in front of Sicheng, blocking the only entrance and exit out.

“Why does it matter when I told you?” Sicheng argued back, tired of trying to keep his cool around someone who’d clearly lost theirs a while ago. “What’s so important about today, huh? Why does it matter so much?”

Yuta went silent and refused to answer but kept his gaze on Sicheng.

Sicheng, annoyed by Yuta’s tone and lack of response, pushed forward, stepping even closer and quite literally began talking in Yuta’s face.

“For a while now, you’ve been saying ‘why did I tell you this today?’ ‘why did I not wait till tomorrow?’, but why? Why do I have to wait until tomorrow to tell you something you could know about today. Tell me, Yuta! What is so important about today?!”

“Because I was thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend!” Yuta roared back and pushed Sicheng away. With each push from him, Sicheng stepped back from the force and Yuta followed, repeating the move until he’d cornered Sicheng on the bed, towering over him, Yuta caged Sicheng in with his hands and said, “I wanted to break up with her! That’s why today’s so important! I wanted to break things with Seulgi for you!”

Sicheng couldn’t believe his ears and stared up at Yuta, eyes bugged out of his head and jaw slightly open. He vaguely, in the back of his mind, he recognized how his expression must resemble Yuta’s when he’d told him about his feelings, but he pushed the thought aside and looked up at Yuta.

“What….?” Were all the words Sicheng could muster as he stared up at Yuta’s defeated expression. “What did you say?”

“I wanted to break up with Seulgi cause the way I felt about you kept interfering with our relationship and I couldn’t handle being with you just to go back to Seulgi and spend the entire time wondering what you were doing….I couldn’t, Sicheng. I really couldn’t…”

“Wait….’The way you felt about me?’ What does that mean?”

“It means, you piece of shit," Yuta spat out but it lacked any real bite. "-that I love you too.”

“Wait, so what do we about Seulgi? We can’t date if you’re still with her. It’s wrong to her and you.” Sicheng asked, sitting on Yuta’s bed facing the older man.

“I-I don’t know, Winwin.” Yuta said and looked down at the covers on his bed. “I can’t deny the fact that I had feelings for her and I know she did towards me, but...things changed….alot….and now….I-I don’t know. I really don’t know, Winwin.”

“There’s no need to rush things, Yuta.” Sicheng reached out for the older man’s hand and held it tightly. “I can’t understand how you feel but I can guess it’s been hard for you. I know it’s been hard for you, Yuta, but you’re not alone. You have me.”

Yuta looked up at that and smiled, albeit weakly. “Now, how do we tell the guys about this?”

“I think they already know...Ten did send me here with your key, and Johnny always knows everything that happens in Ten’s life. Taeil will be told by default or will hear of it from Ten and it’d circle back to Taeyong.”

“Are he and Taeil-hyung really a thing?”

“I don’t know.” Sicheng shrugged and unknowingly squeezed Yuta’s hand. “Maybe. Ten seemed down about it when I asked but I don’t think Taeil can stay mad at Ten for long.”

“Oh, I meant to ask this a while ago, but why do you call Ten and Taeil-hyung so casually? I mean, it’s not bad but I’m wondering why you call them by their first names and not with the added honorific.”

“That’s because they let me. They said I can call them -’hyung’- if I wanted to or if I didn’t want to. It didn’t matter, that’s why I switch from hyung and calling them so casually.”

“Oooh…” Yuta said in realization and tugged on Sicheng’s hand. “Sit up here with me. I’m tired.”

Sicheng compiled and moved to sit next to Yuta, their hands still joined. They sat there for a while, enjoying the silence until Yuta fell asleep on his shoulder, drooling slightly. Sicheng chuckled and let go of Yuta’s hand to slip Yuta under the covers and soon following behind him.

“So, you’re telling me you,” Ten pointed to Taeil, “-are dating him-” Ten pointed towards Taeyong who sat beside Taeil. “And you two-” Ten pointed at Sicheng and Yuta, “-are in a relationship?”

“No, no, Ten. We’re not.” Sicheng refuted Ten’s question and explained, “We- I just told him how I felt, that’s all.”

Yuta turned to Sicheng, wondering why he’d ommitted an important part of the story, and it must ‘ve shown on his face for Sicheng turned to him and slightly shook his head, signalling for Yuta to not ask.

Yuta nodded again and turned away and looked back at his table.

“Okay so you two aren’t dating but you two are?” Ten turned back to Taeil and Taeyong. “Is this true?”

Taeil flushed slightly and so did Taeyong but the former male nodded, confirming his question. “Yeah, we are.”

“When did this happen? Weren’t you…?” Ten trailed off and Taeil nodded.

“I decided to move on, and it seems it was a good idea.” Taeil glanced at Yuta and Sicheng. “He seems happy enough with Yuta and I don’t want to ruin what he has.”

“That’s so like you, Taeil.” Ten said fondly. “But I’m more curious on your situation.” Ten said turning back to Sicheng and Yuta. “Winwin told me a small snippet of the story but I want to know what’s going on.”

Yuta looked over at Sicheng, silently asking for permission. He turned back when Sicheng nodded and began explaining the story to Ten, Taeil, Taeyong and Johnny. He told them all about Seulgi and how she and Sicheng met and briefly explained what had occured in his bedroom yesterday and the solution they’d sort of agreed to.

Taeil and Ten were silent after the explanation while Johnny and Taeyong had a pensive look on their faces. Taeyong still didn’t feel comfortable talking with the trio, the mindset of being an intruder still fresh in his mind while Johnny was trying to see if there was a possible situation to the problem that faced Sicheng, Yuta and Seulgi.

“I think…” Taeyong hesitantly spoke up and tried not to drop his gaze when they all turned to him. He calmed down slightly when Taeil took note of his tense, nervous posture and squeezed his thigh reassuringly, encouraging him to go on.

“I think there’s no way for you two to get together without hurting someone.” Taeyong said, “If you decide to break up with Seulgi then you will get hurt and so will she. But if you decide to stay with her and ignore what you and Winwin have, then you’ll be making each other suffer. The choice is to you, Yuta, because at the end of the day, you’re the one who is going to be hurting the most.”

“I mean, Winwin and your girlfriend will be hurt regardless of what you choose to do, but you will be suffering the most and will be agonizing over whom to choose. So, my suggestion is to think about it and choose someone who you will look back and think that you made the right decision. There’s no way you won’t have regrets because every decision comes with it’s own regrets and benefits but I think it’d be best to choose someone you can truly and honestly love with your entire heart and not regret choosing.”

The entire table after Taeyong’s speech was stunned silent. Taeil looked at Taeyong with wide, impressed eyes. He’d never heard the younger man express his thoughts so thoroughly. Ten and Johnny’s expression mirrored each other and their jaws hung open. Johnny was stunned as he’d never heard Taeyong express himself so thoroughly in all the time he’d known him, while Ten, the few times he’d been around Taeyong, his impression of the male had always been of a silent, aloof man who never really explained himself well. Sicheng too was silent and was also in shock but he’d also listened to what Taeyong had to say and had carefully taken his words into thought as well. He realized, as Taeyong kept talking, that he was right and the one person who was stuck in the middle of this all, who was stuck between someone he cared about for a long time and someone he was in love with was Yuta.

Sicheng glanced at Yuta and the way his face was angled denied him from seeing how his expression looked but if Sicheng were to judge him from his posture….Sicheng could tell it wasn’t one he’d like to see.

“Thank you for the advice, Taeyong.” Yuta murmured and sat up. He bowed to them all before walking away, head lowered. They watched him go, clearly deep in thought and turned towards Sicheng who was watching him go.

“What?” Sicheng asked when he noticed his seniors’ gaze.

Ten was practically dumbfounded as he asked Sicheng, “What do you mean ‘what?’ Go after him!”

“I’d just be disturbing him if I went after him. He clearly needs time alone.” Sicheng murmured and looked away.

“I agree.” Taeil chipped in. “He does need time alone to think about it and decide what he’s going to do.”

“But-!” Ten objected but was stopped by Johnny.

“Ten. It’s their choice. You’ve done what you can, but now you have to let them make their own decisions okay?”

Ten looked like he had more to say but nodded, and agreed to butt out of Sicheng’s and any of their friends relationships. “Okay.” Johnny didn’t respond and squeezed Ten’s thigh. He intertwined their fingers underneath the table and went back to the conversation. Ten squeezed his hand and cutely rested his head on Johnny’s shoulder, shifting when Johnny moved to be in a position that was comfortable for them both.

“Am I doing something wrong, hyungs?” Sicheng suddenly asked, voice uncharacteristically low and deep. “Am I wrong for falling in love with Yuta? Especially since he has a girlfriend….I feel like I’m interfering in something that I shouldn’t be involved in.”

“Sicheng….” Taeil was the one to reach out and lay a hand on Sicheng’s shoulder and make him face him. “Falling in love with someone isn’t wrong. It doesn’t matter who the person is, falling in love is not a bad thing. No one on earth can control who they fall in love with. That’s something that’s way out of anyone’s hands, Sicheng.”

Sicheng didn’t lift his head and continued looking down at his lap. Taeil squeezed his shoulder and said softly, “Look at me, Sicheng.” Taeil waited for Sicheng to raise his head before he continued speaking, looking directly into the male’s eyes. “I want you to listen to me Sicheng, and I want you to listen very well.”

“Yuta is the first person I’ve seen --ever since you came to this school and became our friend-- who can make you look the way you do when you’re with him. He’s the first person I’ve seen that makes you genuinely laugh and be happy and try to enjoy your life and each day as it passes. He makes you happy Sicheng, but you also make him happy.”

“I don’t know Yuta very well, Sicheng. I’ve only met him a couple of days ago but I can tell he cares a lot about you. The same way he makes you happy is the same way you make him happy, Sicheng. I know Yuta has a girlfriend and it might feel and look bad right now, but I want you to know it’s not your fault. You can’t control who you fall in love with, Sicheng. If it happens to be Yuta, then it is Yuta. There’s not much you can do about that.”

“You can fight with yourself and deny how you feel about him, but it will hurt you Sicheng. I speak from experience being someone who’s done the exact same thing. I know Ten told you this, but I was in love with you Sicheng. For a long time. I really really loved you and wanted the best for you, but when Yuta came, I knew I’d already lost. But even though it hurt me, I knew it was the best thing for you.”

“I knew Yuta was the only one who could make you look the way you did when you were with him. I loved you, Sicheng; a part of me still does, but I know Yuta is the one who can make you happy in a way I could never do. So, I need you to understand, Sicheng, falling in love with Yuta isn’t a bad thing, and you don’t need to apologize for it. What you need to do, is prepare yourself for possible rejection.”

“I know I said you make Yuta happy, and that he looks different when you’re near but he might not choose you, Sicheng, and you need to be ready for that. I won’t tell you how to react in case it does happen but you need to be prepared in case Yuta chooses Seulgi over you.”

“Do you understand me, Sicheng?” Taeil murmured softly and let go when Sicheng nodded after a short pause.

“I understand, Taeil-hyung.” Sicheng replied and excused himself after Taeil moved back onto his chair. He did the same thing as Yuta and bowed, excusing himself before walking off, leaving his hyungs to watch him worriedly as he went.

Yuta held the phone to his ear, heart pounding as nerves made him shift his weight from foot to foot nervously. He waited for his call to be picked, each ring sounding longer and more drawn-out than the one before it.

Yuta felt his heart ricochet when he heard a click and a familiar voice came through. “Hi, Seulgi.” Yuta started, one of his hands playing with his shirt’s material. “What are you doing right now? Do you think we could meet? I need to talk to you about something important.”

“What is it, Yuta?” Seulgi asked, big eyes blinking and looking around confusedly at the cafe Yuta had randomly chosen as their meet-up location. “You sounded so serious on the phone. Is anything wrong?”

Yuta couldn’t bear to look at Seulgi and looked at his steaming mug of coffee, mindlessly hoping it could either swallow him whole and prevent him from doing what he was about to do or it could provide him with enough courage to finish what he started.

“The thing is,” Yuta licked his lips and took a big sip of his drink, ignoring the way his tongue and throat burned and sizzled as the drink passed past his mouth and down into his gut. “I need to talk to you about something important.”

“I know. You said that on the phone.” Seulgi reached out and laid her hand on Yuta’s, trying to make the younger man look up, but he diligently focused on his mug of coffee. “You’re making me worried, Yuta. What is it?”

Yuta wished he could just blurt out the reason he’d called her over the way she wanted him to, but he couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come out, no matter how hard he tried. He took another gulp of his coffee, hoping the hot beverage would provide him with enough courage to talk.

“I….We….I want to break-up with you, Seulgi.”

Seulgi was silent for a whole second but it felt like an eternity to Yuta as he finally raised his head and peeked at her through his lashes. Seulgi drew back her hand and leaned back in her chair, fixating Yuta with a look he couldn’t quite describe.

Seulgi looked at him for a while, searching his facial expression for something only she knew what it was. At last, she spoke, asking Yuta in a oddly hushed voice, “Why?”

“I….” Yuta ran a hand through his hair and tried to organize his thoughts. “I’m not in love with you anymore, Seulgi.”

Seulgi looked at him for an even longer while, her eyes rapidly flicking back and forth between his own eyes. She sighed after a while and bent her head down, her silky hair falling down past her back and curtaining her face, obscuring it from view.

“I know, Yuta.” Seulgi said and lifted her head, classily holding her hair behind her ear with a elegant flick of her hand. “I’ve known for a while actually.”

Yuta imagined how horrible his expression looked, eyes bugged out, jaw slightly open, shock obvious in his eyes. He spluttered, trying to remember how to make his mouth function once more and convey his thoughts to her.

“Don’t do that, Yuta. You look funny.” Seulgi chastised and picked apart her muffin with her neat, slender fingers. “But, yes, I’ve known you haven’t been in love with me for a while.”

“I believe a few months after you met, Sicheng, right? That was around the time I began noticing it.”

“How….do you? You’ve known of Sicheng since before?” Yuta asked, bewildered.

“Yes, I knew of him since a while back. I hadn’t personally met him or talked to him but I did know of his existence prior to our previous meet a few days ago.”

“When?” Yuta asked. “When did you know of Sicheng?”

“There was this one time, I’d gone over to your dorm to look for you but I couldn’t find you anywhere so I was about to leave, thinking you were in a lecture and couldn’t answer your phone, then I saw you walkin--no storming out of some sort of hidden hole. You didn’t see me, actually I don’t think you saw anyone and stormed away, passing right by me.”

“I thought about calling you but you were already gone when I turned around.” Seulgi wiped away the crumbs on her fingertips and picked up a small piece of the muffin and ate it. “I didn’t understand why you were so mad or what could’ve happened to make you so angry, and I wanted to find out. So, I went over to where you had appeared from and peeked in.”

“I don’t think Sicheng saw me but I saw him there on the ground, at the same place you’d just popped out from.” “I honestly thought you guys had had a fight or something but I didn’t know Sicheng at the time, and you didn’t look like you wanted to be disturbed so I left. After that, i asked around and one of my friends actually shared a class with Sicheng and told me about him.”

“After that, I noticed you were avoiding hanging out with me to be with Sicheng, and you’d miss out on things with me to be with him. It wasn’t really that hard to put two and two together, Yuta, so yes. I have known for a while that I stopped being the only one in your heart a long time ago.”

Seulgi looked at him and smiled. But this wasn’t like her ordinary-pure-sunshine smiles but rather a more worn-out kind of smile. Seulgi’s face crinkled in exhaustion, horribly contradicting the smile tugging on her lips. “.....Do you love him?”

“Yes.” There was no hesitation. No pause to think about it. No unnecessarily long flashback into the past few months he’d spent around Sicheng to confirm that yes, he did in fact, honestly and truly love Sicheng with all his mind, heart, body and soul.

Seulgi sighed and nodded once, seemingly accepting Yuta’s answer.

“You….Aren’t you mad at me? For leaving you and falling in love with another man?” Yuta couldn’t believe Seulgi was a hundred percent on board with his confession. There had to some anger, some hurt, something really. Anything better than the grudging acceptance he could see on her face.

“I’d be lying if I said I was a hundred percent okay with it, but I’d been watching you two for a while, and I can’t find it in me to ruin your relationship with him just so that I can have you. It’d be too cruel.”

“I really am sorry, Seulgi. You deserve so much better. I’m sorry for doing this to you.” Yuta reached out and grasped Seulgi’s hand in his firmly.

Seulgi laughed shortly through her nose and squeezed Yuta’s hand. “What are you talking about, Nakamoto?” She pulled her hand from his and gently caressed the side of his face, whispering softly. “You deserve to be happy, Yuta. Don’t let anyone come between you and what makes you happy. If Sicheng is the one that makes you happy, I have to accept that it isn’t me and that I lost my chance a long time ago.”

Yuta leaned into Seulgi’s hand, the touch rather comforting after the hell he’d gone through. “I really am sorry.”

Seulgi simply smiled and pinched his cheek gently. “Go to him, Yuta. Stop worrying about me, and go.”

Yuta hesitated but stood up and after one last apology, he was out the door and sprinting his way back to the campus.

Sicheng was predictably in his room by the time Yuta reached to the campus and ran towards his dorm, and up the stairs to his room. Yuta, panting heavily, knocked on the door sharply and waited for Sicheng to open it. Yuta hd been resting with his hands on his knees, valiantly trying to catch his breath after sprinting such a distance, but when he heard Sicheng's feet pad over to the door, he stood up tall and ounted the second until he opened the door.

Sicheng didn't look overly surprised as he opened the door and found Yuta standing there. He moved aide to let Yuta in and closed the door behin him, locking it for added measure.

Yuta, unlike the last second in that Café, he didn't hesitate and immediately blurted out, "I choose you, Sicheng."

Sicheng had known the man's decision ever since he saw him sprinting over to his dorm through the window but hearing it in person gave him butterflies and he felt all the blood rush from his body and up towards his head. 

Yuta didn't seem to notice or if he did, he ignored it and stepped forwards, lessing the distance between him and Sicheng with each word. "I can't really tell you when it started but for as long as I've known, I've been in love with you, Sicheng. I love everything about you. The way your brow crinkles when you're thinking too hard. The odd way you pick at you muffins, tearing them into bits before scooping them up and eating them all. The way your entire face lifts up when you hear anything about dancing. The graceful way youc arry yourself on stage and off stage. The way, despite having only two close friends, you love them and cherish them dearly. I can list a hundred thousand things I love about you, Sicheng."

At this point, Sicheng had involuntarily taken a step back when Yuta stepped forward, prompting Yuta to take another one forward, and he took one back again. It went on like this, Sicheng frozen from Yuta's unrealistically accurate description of him, failed to notice the wall he'd unconsciously moved towards and only noticed when his back bumped into it. 

Sicheng didn't know what to do, or how to respond and lowered his head, his cheeks flushing brighter and harder than they ever have with each compliment. Sicheng watched as Yuta's black boots came into view and stubbornly kept his head lowered. It wasn't until Yuta gently grasped his chin and lifted it so he could see him that Sicheng actually looked at him and what he saw made his throat choke up.

Sicheng, in all his years of life, had never, ever, ever, seen anyone look at him the way Yuta was right then. His eyes, usually extremely expressive, were literal shining, golden orbs filled to the brim with something Sicheng could only describe as love. There were various emotions Sicheng could see flickering through, but the one that remained constant was the very same one that had his heart stopping and his breath literally pause in his throat.

"I love you, Sicheng. I love you so, so much." Yuta leaned forward and rested his forehead on Sicheng's. "Please choose me."

Sicheng was sure the words "no" didn't even exist anywhere near him. He wondered how Yuta could still think he'd reject him after all he saw and reached up to grab Yuta's face, letting his actions do the talking for once in his life.

Yuta immediately reached up and threaded his fingers through Sicheng's silky locks. He held them firm in his hand as he tilted his head to the side, allowing for him to reach deeper and taste parts of Sicheng he'd never gotten the chance to do so before. The kiss was only broken when Sicheng pushed Yuta away, and took deep inhales through his nose. Yuta hadn't even noticed he'd --quite literally-- stolen the younger man's breath away.

Sicheng rested his head against Yuta's once more, and continued to take deep inhales, shivering slightly when Yuta's hand, the one that had been in his hair, deliberately went down his neck, past his spine only to stop at his hip, grasping it tightly, but not enough to hurt. The moment they were both stuck in was not only very emotional but also very intimate.

Sicheng had long sincestopped breathing heavily, having caught his breath, but neither male made any effort to move away. They stood there --Sicheng pressed against the wall, Yuta's hand digging into his hipbones and massaging them softly whenever he pressed too hard-- in complete silence, sharing the same air until Sicheng broke the silence and said, "You know, you were the one who was supposed to choose, right?"

Yuta's head dropped dramatically as he groaned and began rubbing his head against Sicheng's shoulder, violently mimicking a cat whenever it smelt catnip. "Why did you have to kill the moment, Sicheng-ie?" He groaned out even more dramatically than before.

"Don't call me that." Sicheng said but it lacked any heat.

"Why?" Yuta whined, grinding his head even harder on Sicheng's shoulder. "We're dating now, why can't I call you 'Sicheng-ie?"

"Because it sounds weird." Sicheng said, snorting slightly when Yuta whined even louder.

"Whyy? Let me call you 'Sicheng-ie!'" Yuta dragged out the "why" and practically began rubbing against Sicheng's collarbone.

"No way."

"I'll kiss you if you don't."

"Is that supposed to be a threat?"

"No. It's a promise."

"You're so cheesy." Sicheng snorted and pushed Yuta's head from his shoulder.

"You may fall from the sky, you may fall from the tree but the best way....is to fall in love with me."

Sicheng groaned and detached himself from Yuta, running around him, he headed towards his bed and flopped down on it just in time for Yuta to drop another cheesy pick-up line.

"Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?"

Sicheng's muffled groan was the only response he got. Yuta, however, wasn't deterred and continued. 

"Know what's on the menu? Me-n-u." 

"Please stop." Sicheng begged, trying his hardest not to cringe.

Yuta leaned down on the bed, resting his weight on his hands and bent down to whisper in Sicheng's ear. "I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position."

Sicheng literally screamed into the bedsheets.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop." Yuta said in between cackles of laughter.

"You sure? I don't trust you." Sicheng turned around and narrowed his eyes at Yuta.

"Of course." Yuta assured him, and flopped down beside him. "I mean, you're so beautiful you made forget my pick-up line."

Sicheng took the pillow from underneath him and proceeded to smother the life out of Yuta, while the man continued to break out even more, cringier pick-up lines and cackle when it just made Sicheng press down harder.

**Author's Note:**

> it really was supposed to be 5k words at most I swear. PS: I love anime. EDIT: this is what I was trying to do with Seulgi here: http://igot7-penta-seo.tumblr.com/post/178040870946/dazy-laze-tofixtheshadows-i-absolutely-hate


End file.
